Page 110 of Pied Sniper

“I wonder if I’ll get a book deal to write the unenhanced story. I can just see it now,” I said, waving my jazz hands,“Tiffany Rose: I Didn’t Get Away With It.How’s that for a great title?”

“But Iamgetting away with it!” she hissed, stepping around me to press the call button.

“You’re not. Your cousins are singing like auditions for the lead on the next big Broadway show. They’ve told the police everything you planned and executed.”

“I don’t believe you. Those two idiots can’t be trusted anyway. They only have one brain cell between both of them.”

“Exactly why you can’t be sure they’re not shopping you right now. They’re telling the police how you scripted everything and drove out to the cabin every single week on Wednesdays to firm up the details. All they did was goof up the timing and surprise you. Oh, yeah, and shoot you. Their bad.” I pulled a face, trying not to enjoy myself too much.

“Ugh!” said Tiffany as she stamped her foot indignantly. “Why did you have to get involved anyway? I’m telling Abigail not to pay your fee. And just wait until everyone on my channel hears about your bumbling approach nearly getting me killed! You’ll become a national pariah!”

Further along the corridor, Abigail stepped out of her room. She saw us talking and walked softly towards us, the carpet silencing her footfalls.

“She already paid it! She’ll probably add it to your bill for the money you fraudulently extorted from her to pay the ransom,” I said.

“Huh,” Tiffany snorted as she jabbed the call button again. “She’ll never see a penny.”

I made a stab in the dark. “Your cousins were smart to hide the cash.”

Tiffany snorted. “Those idiots? As if!”

“So you admit it then? Taking the money?”

“Well, of course! It was my idea!” she sneered. “Yeah. I masterminded the whole thing. Who wouldn’t fall for a kidnap live on air with that many witnesses? Did you know that video has been viewed twenty million times? Everyone in this whole country knows my name and I’m a super star now! The money we got from Abigail is peanuts compared to how much I’ll make once I start signing deals. There’s even talk about a movie, you know.”

“And what about your cousins?”

“They can putrefy in prison for all I care,” she said, tossing her hair. She pouted and squeezed out a tear. “They hurt America’s Princess and someone has to pay for that!”

“I bet you dictated everything they did,” I said. “You bought the burner phones and walked them through the trashing of your apartment and made it look like someone was watching you through a telescope. You used your own blood to stage a gory scene and told them how to ditch the getaway vehicle.”

“Who else could do it? Sure, I rehearsed them a bunch of times but Huey still managed to switch the dates and shoot me like the little fool he is. You’re wrong about the burner phones though. I gave them cash to buy them, and the telescope, and the guns, and the cost of shooting practice. Nothing can ever be traced back to me so you, the police, and the FBI can just suck it!” Tiffany jabbed the call button again before releasing an angry groan and stomping to the stairs. I followed her, with Abigail close behind me.

“I bet you didn’t tell them how to hide Abigail’s money though,” I said. Taking a wild guess, I added, “It’s probably still in the Jeep or the cabin.”

“I bet you’d like me to tell you where I stashed it!”

“Nah. I’ll figure it out eventually.” I hurried after her as she ran down the steps, trying her best to lose me. As she burst through the stairwell doors into the lobby, she whirled around and poked a finger at my chest. Abigail stopped at the doors behind me and Tiffany flinched, noticing her finally.

“Now stop bugging me,” said Tiffany. “If I ever see you following me again, I’ll call the police. Abigail, did you know you hired a deranged fan!?”

“No need. They’re already here,” I said, pointing behind her.

“Help!” she said, looking beyond my brother and waving at the black-and-white parked outside. “This crazy woman keeps following me. I’m scared!”

“You can go ahead and arrest her now,” said Abigail.

“You sure?” asked Garrett, looking from Abigail to me.

“Absolutely!” yelled Tiffany, spinning around and grinning triumphantly at me. I half expected her to stick out her tongue.

“I’m sure,” I said, holding up my phone. I pointed to the recording app I activated. “I have your whole confession right here.”

“Hey!” Tiffany’s eyes widened as Garrett secured the handcuffs around her wrists.

“Tiffany Rose, Rose Busch, or whoever you decide to call yourself, you are under arrest for false kidnapping, extortion, theft, and a long list of many other felony and misdemeanor violations,” he said.

Tiffany screamed.

“What changed your mind about Tiffany?” I asked Abigail as Garrett led Tiffany away. “What made you pull a one-eighty?”

“She didn’t apologize. She didn’t offer to repay the money. She didn’t even say thank you. She didn’t even ask about her dog! She just talked about herself the whole time and how much I could get her for this deal or that,” said Abigail. “I really wanted to believe that this was all real and she was in actual danger. Then when I told her Flavia was writing a tell-all book about her, she ranted and raved about it. She said Flavia knew nothing and was too stupid to write a letter. Not one word of thanks for the reward money she put up either. I finally got to see the obnoxious Tiffany that kept losing all the deals I got for her. I felt certain she couldn’t resist rubbing it in to you too by boasting she would get away with it. I never thought I’d see the day when she was honest about anything.”

“You know what?” I said, holding up my phone with the recording of Tiffany’s confession. “I think she finally spoke the truth, and everyone, I meaneveryone, will soon hear it from her own lips. She’s going to be as famous as she ever wanted to be.”

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