Page 21 of Very Special Forces

"I'llhelp you with the zip then just hang the dress on the hanger andholler when you're ready for me to help you with the buttons on theother dress," said Cherry as she closed the door behind us. Iturned around and she pulled the long zip that ended at the base ofmy spine. "I think we're nearly there with a decision," she saidcheerfully. "I can just feel it!"

"Great!"I chirped back, despite the sense of dread suddenly hitting mystomach. What if I couldn't make a decision? What if I made thewrong one and I looked back in twenty years and wondered what thehell I was thinking?

"Takeyour time," Cherry instructed with a quick movement before she wasout the door, closing it silently behind her.

Ishuffled out of the dress and hung it on the padded hanger. Ihooked the hanger over one of the large, glittery hooks mounted onthe wall and stepped back. The energy seemed to ebb out of me, mylegs turned to jelly and I stumbled backwards, dropping into thebig, pink wing chair in nothing but my white shorties and straplessbra. I slumped back, catching my breath and reminding myself not topanic. What was I so worried about anyway? It was just a dress.Just a wedding. My wedding, but just a day all the same even if itdid involve a large wad of cash and a big party. I closed my eyesand saw Solomon there again, in the doorway of our home, bloodseeping from his chest like a terrible inkblot.

"Hedidn't die," I muttered aloud. "He didn't die. He didn't leave me.I am okay." It was a mantra I'd repeated every day for weeks. ThatI had come so close to losing him was unthinkable. Yet it wasn'tthat past memory that terrified me. No, it was the knowledge thatit could so easily happen again.

We lived lives that weren't designed to be safe. We crossedpaths with people who didn't care if we were injured or even died.Criminals who didn't care if we bled out, alone, just so long as wegot out of their way. Or, in Solomon's case, served a purpose as awarning. It wasn't even because of his actions that he'd been shotand yet, I delved deep into his life to find out if his attemptedmurder was some kind of payback. What if next time it was?Thewhat ifwasexhausting me. Fear was hampering my every decision from where tolive to buying a dress.

I leanedforwards, my elbows on my knees, my face in my hands and breatheddeeply. In, one, two, three... out, one, two, three... until I feltcalmer. I stood, checking how steady my legs felt and smiling tosee they were okay. People were waiting for me outside; people whowanted me to be happy and to celebrate our marriage. I couldn't letthem see how fear crippled me.

Ireached for the other dress, spinning it around on the paddedhanger before I let it drop to the floor so I could step into itand slide it up my body. This dress fell neatly between the two:strapless with a form-fitted body made of gentle folds of silk anda gathered skirt that swept around my ankles. The back had thepearl buttons I loved and even better, pockets! It was the weddingdress of my dreams.

When theknock sounded at the door, I jumped, startled, my breathingquickening again.

"Onlyme!" said Cherry as she ducked her head around the door. "Youdidn't holler and I figured you'd be ready now. Let's see... oh,isn't that a great dress? Turn around, I'll have those buttonsfastened in a jiffy!"

I did asI was told, turning to face the long mirror encased in a baroquesilver frame, looking myself over as she fastened the long columnof pearl buttons at the back of the dress. Blood seeped from mymiddle. I blinked and the blood disappeared. I rolled my shouldersand stared at the ceiling until she was finished.

"Let'sgo see what your family thinks," said Cherry, still effortlesslyperky. She pulled open the door and ushered me out along thecorridor, giving me a nudge towards the podium.

"Amazing!"

"Adoreit!"

"Youlook fabulous!"

I stoodsilently in front of the mirrors while my family chattered theiropinions.

"Youknow, it needs something else," said Cherry. She hurried away,returning less than a couple of minutes later with a rhinestonesash in her hand. She wrapped it around my waist, tied it with abow at the back and stepped back. "What do you think?" sheasked.

Inodded. "This is the one," I said, nodding rapidly, sure now, and Ismiled when my family burst into applause. The sound lifted myspirits and I forced myself to push away all the residual badthoughts. I had to be realistic: what were the odds of something soterrible happening twice? It couldn't!

I suckedin a deep breath and smiled. Solomon and I were going to have awonderful wedding and a lifetime of wedded bliss. All I had to dowas enjoy it. "This is definitely the dress and the sash isperfect," I said again, investing all of my belief that everythingwould be okay into my words.

"Wonderful! I just knew it!" Cherry clapped her handstogether. "I think it needs a little hemming on the skirt butotherwise, the fit is perfect. You're lucky that you happened to bethe same size as the sample we had in stock. I can order you a newone of course, but I don't think that would fit your time scale..."She trailed off, waiting for me to confirm.

"I'lltake the sample. Can we do the alterations today?"

"I’llcall our seamstress and she can pin the hem into place, then leaveit with us and you can pick it up next week."

Behindme, my mother began to sob.

"What'swrong, Mom?" I asked, half turning.

"I can'tbelieve you're getting married!"

"I toldyou someone would marry her," said Lily.

"Youdid, honey, you did," sobbed Mom as she patted Lily's knee with onehand and squeezed Victoria with the other. "I just never reallybelieved it. I thought I might have to pay someone!"

I pulleda face. "Mom, I can hear you!"

"Andyour father... he was so sure you would marry a police officer,"Mom wailed but I wondered if she were relieved ordisappointed.

"Solomonis so much more than that," said Lily. "He's probably got a uniformfor everything. Does he, Lexi, does he?" Silence dropped over theroom as all eyes turned to me. I was sure not a single personbreathed as they considered all the uniform wearing options Solomoncould possibly wear.

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