Page 2 of Be Courageous

“Grayson.” She met him midway, then pulled him into her honeysuckle embrace and held him fiercely. It felt strange being an inch taller than she was, more like he was supposed to be comforting her.

“Gosh, I can feel your heart pounding.” Stepping back, she eyed him in the dark while brushing his hair out of his eyes—he wouldn’t let her cut it. “Honey, it’s okay to be sad and angry. I miss your father, too. Every day. And I’ve decided we should go to counseling together. That way it won’t be so bad.”

Hearing the emotion and the worry in her voice, Grayson realized telling her about the weirdo in the car wasn’t what she needed to hear. “It’s fine, Mom. You don’t have to.”

“No, I want to. I’ve wanted to for a while. I’ve just been busy. Come on inside. Try your cake; it’s really good.”

Reentering the house with her, Grayson spotted Fitz sitting in his dad’s favorite armchair giving the baby a bottle, and his resentment came surging back. Sure, Fitz would leave and go back to his own home soon, but it was only a matter of time before he married Grayson’s mom and moved in with them.

Maybe I should have gotten in the car with the stranger.

How much worse could it be to run away than to live here pretending everything was fine, knowing it would never be fine again?

CHAPTER1

The older male counselor checked his watch, then lifted his bright eyes at Faith’s son. “Grayson, would you give me ten minutes to talk with just your mother?”

Even as Faith’s anxiety rose, Grayson shrugged, clearly relieved to escape early. “Sure.” He flicked his russet bangs out of his eyes, rose to his feet, and started for the door.

What was the counselor going to say to her?

“Have a seat in the waiting room, honey. I’ll be right out.”

As the door clicked shut behind her son, Faith steeled herself. The fading sunlight visible through the blinds reminded her of how much she still needed to get done to be ready for her clients in the morning—two injured veterans hoping to improve their motor skills through hippotherapy. Thank goodness for Fitz, who was watching Olivia and the baby tonight, or Faith couldn’t have joined Grayson’s counseling session like she’d promised.

“So.” Robert sat forward, bracing his elbows on his knees and talking to her in a low voice, making sure, it seemed, that Grayson couldn’t overhear him. “I’m glad you were able to join your son tonight. It’s been good for him to hear how much Jerry’s death has grieved you.”

“Of course.” Did he think Jerry’s deathdidn’tgrieve her?

He rubbed his palms together. “Grayson hasn’t said as much—you can see how tough it is to get him to talk at all. But from the few comments he has made, I gather he believes you’ve substituted Jerry with your gentleman friend, Fitz, I believe his name is.”

Heat stole up Faith’s neck, suffusing her face. “Yes, Fitz. He’s been a big help.”

Robert nodded his head of silver hair. “I’m sure he has been.” He hesitated, then asked. “How long has Jerry been deceased, Faith?”

She hated that word,deceased. “Ten months and twenty-one days.”

Robert’s eyebrows shot up. “You know that right down to the day.”

“Of course. I loved him completely. He was my first and only.”

He drew a breath, then said hesitantly, “Forgive me if I’m wrong, but you don’t still seem to be grieving him as heavily as Grayson is.”

The words turned her heart inside out.

“I’m not judging,” he added quickly. “It’s just an observation.”

She considered his observation for a moment, then explained. “When Jerry transitioned to the tactical team about six years ago, I was devastated. It’s basically a SWAT team, very dangerous work. I don’t know how I knew it, but I knew the job would take his life, so I did everything I could to talk him out of it. But then I gave up because I understood he needed that constant adrenaline, or he would get depressed. I cried every night for months because I sensed what was coming. God put that knowledge into my heart in order to prepare me. And when it happened, I was devastated, but not surprised.”

Robert nodded sympathetically. “I see. Yes, that makes sense. But here’s the thing: Grayson never saw Jerry’s death coming. It’s still a shock to him, and it’s going to take time to accept that his father is gone. His anger, I believe, stems not just from his father’s death but from feeling that you’re moving on so quickly.”

Dismay pegged Faith to the chair she was sitting in.

“Now, I’m not going to tell you what to do. That’s completely up to you, Faith. I’m not living in your shoes, so I don’t know what it’s like. But if you can postpone your relationship with Fitz and let Grayson mourn his father’s death, he will heal faster, and he won’t be so angry.”

A feeling like shame twisted through her, keeping her from speaking.

Robert shrugged apologetically. “I’m just thinking about it from Grayson’s perspective. He said something about his new sister and Fitz both having the same hair. I don’t think he’s a hundred percent sure whether Mary Mae is his whole sister or his half.”

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