But would she ever believe that?
And the others… would they be willing to make the same sacrifice for a woman they've never even met?
A woman they don't even know exists.
I turn back to the punching bag, desperate to lose myself in the burn of exertion. But with every hit, I see her face in the back of my mind, staring me down in well deserved judgment. With every impact, I hear her voice.
"What am I supposed to do?" I mutter, not really expecting an answer. "Rhys wants an omega. The packneedsan omega. But how can I..."
The words trail off.
How can I bring another omega into our lives when I'm still haunted by the one I left behind?
Mace sighs heavily. "I don't know what happened, and I'm pretty damn sure you're not talkin' anytime soon, but I do know one thing. You can't keep punishing yourself forever, Leon. What's done is done."
"Easy for you to say," I snap, immediately regretting it. "Sorry. I just... I can't shake this feeling that I need to make it right somehow."
"And how exactly do you plan on doing that?" Mace asks, his tone gentle but firm. "You said it yourself, you can't find her. Maybe it's time to let go."
I shake my head, frustration bubbling up inside me. "I can't. Every time I close my eyes, I see her. Every time Rhys brings up getting an omega, I think about..." I trail off, knowing I'm at risk of saying too much.
Mace is quiet for a long moment. When he speaks again, his voice is low and serious. "You were young, Leon. You made a mistake. A big one, yeah, but you can't change the past. All you can do is learn from it and try to be better."
He's wrong. And if he had any idea the full extent of what I've done, that it wasn't just an ugly breakup born of another immature alpha's ego, he wouldn't feel that way. But even now, I can't bring myself to say it.
To face that shame.
The guilt.
"I just wish I knew she was okay," I murmur, more to myself than to Mace. "That she found someone else."
The thought is enough to drive me insane, but I'm notquiteselfish enough to hope that she's been celibate this entire time like I have. At the very least, I hope she found someone to break the mark.
An alpha to give her what I couldn't.
Maybe even her scent match.
Even if the thought claws at my insides like a ravenous beast trying to break out of its cage.
Mace puts a hand on my shoulder, squeezing gently. "You can't control that. All you can do is focus on the here and now.You've got a big fight coming up, and a pack that needs you. Don't let the ghosts of your past hold you back."
I nod, taking a deep breath. He's right about that, at least. I can't change what happened with Ophelia if I can't even track her down, but I can try to be the alpha my pack deserves.
I pause for a moment, studying the burlier alpha. "You think he's right, don't you? That we need an omega."
Mace snorts, his usual gruff manner on full display. "I'm an alpha. We need omegas. Betas, too, for that matter. Just in a different way."
I can't help but roll my eyes. "Rhys has gotten to you."
He chuckles, a deep rumble that shakes his massive frame. "He's persuasive, but not as persuasive as mother nature." His expression sobers, eyes meeting mine with an intensity that makes me want to look away. "Look, I don't really get the whole bond brother thing you and Rhys have going on. Never have. But I know enough about relationships in general that you can't build them on lies."
The words hit me like a punch to the gut, harder than any I've thrown at the bag today. My throat tightens, guilt clawing its way up from the pit of my stomach.
"You don't have to tell me everything right now, but you need to tell the others eventually," Mace continues, his voice low and serious. "At least Rhys. He deserves to know the truth. Especially if it's holding us back from moving forward with this as a pack."
I nod, unable to form words around the lump in my throat. He's right. Of course he's right. I've known it for years, but hearing it spoken aloud makes it impossible to ignore.
"I know," I finally manage to croak out.