Page 160 of Knot Happening Again

He sets a steaming tray down on my worktable, careful not to disturb my tools or the half-formed sculpture. His eyes linger onthe piece, curiosity evident in his expression. "It's beautiful," he murmurs. "What is it?"

I look at the sculpture, really seeing it for the first time. The clay has taken on a vaguely human form, hunched and twisted. Broken, yet somehow still standing. "I don't know," I admit. "It's just... what came out."

Maddox nods, not pushing for more. He pulls up a stool and sits, his presence a comfort rather than an intrusion. "How are you holding up?"

I shrug, reaching for the fork on the tray. The plate is loaded with grilled chicken, roasted vegetables, and quinoa. A perfectly balanced meal. Rhys's influence, no doubt, since Mace is out having dinner with his family and Troy had to go downtown to discuss something with his record label. They both invited me to come, but after everything that happened at the fight, and how my name and face are now plastered all over the tabloids as the Carver pack's new disgraced omega, I couldn't bring myself to go.

"I'm fine," I say.

It's a lie, of course. I know I'll have to come out of hiding eventually, but a girl's allowed to be a hermit from time to time.

And this is certainly a beautiful cave.

"Bullshit," Maddox says, but there's no heat in it. Just concern. "You've been holed up in here for days, Effy. Weeks if you don't count only coming out of your studio for showers and occasional meals. We're worried about you."

I take a bite of chicken to avoid answering immediately. The food is good, but it sits heavy in my stomach. "I just need time," I say finally. "It's a lot to process."

Maddox sighs, running a hand through his short brown hair. "I know. And we're trying to give you space. But... you're pack. Our omega. And we care about you, to put it mildly.”

The words hit me like a physical blow.

Pack.

It's what I've always wanted, isn't it?

A family, a place to belong.

So why do I feel like it's going to be ripped out from under me the second I let myself relax and enjoy it? The moment I dare to let myself believe these men that I'm here because it's where I belong, and deserve any of this?

Leon completing the mark has resolved the physical pain. My scent is no longer unlocked, so I can go outside without worrying my scent is going to be a beacon to every unmated alpha in the area. And even though I've been avoiding him as much as—okay, maybe more than—the others, I feel the bond between us, as newly completed as it is.

Like he's finally carrying the weight that should have been shared between us all along.

But the absence of those burdens has created a vacuum. It's allowed all the insecurities and doubts that I never had time to focus on before, while I was in survival mode, to come flowing in and I realize I have no idea what to do with them. I'm an expert at surviving, but what the hell comes afterward?

"I'm sorry," I murmur, setting the fork down. "I don't mean to worry you. It's just... complicated."

Maddox leans forward, his blue eyes serious. "Talk to me, Effy. What's going on in that beautiful head of yours?"

I bite my lip, considering. Maddox has been nothing but kind to me since I arrived. Maybe... maybe I can trust him with this.

"I feel guilty," I admit, the words coming out in a rush. "You've all been so welcoming, so supportive of my decision to let Leon complete the mark. And then with Rhys, it just happened. It felt right, and it still does, but... I'm not ready for anything more right now. I know it's selfish, but?—"

"Hey, hey," Maddox interrupts, reaching out to take my hand in his. His touch is warm, grounding, as he brushes his thumbover my knuckles. "There's nothing selfish about that. What happened at the arena was kind of an extenuating circumstance, but even if it wasn't, you don't owe us anything. You could choose to let any of us mark you, or none of us, and it would be your choice. We're not in a rush, Effy. This isn't a competition, or about making sure everything's equal at all times. It's a pack. A family."

I blink back tears, overwhelmed by his understanding. There's that word again. "But you're all waiting for me. I feel like I'm holding the pack back."

Maddox shakes his head firmly. "You're not holding anything back. You're ours. But we're yours, too. We'll wait as long as you need. Forever, if that's what it takes. Until it feels right for you."

A sob escapes me, and suddenly Maddox is there, pulling me into his arms. I bury my face in his chest, breathing in his comforting scent as he strokes my hair.

"We're family now," he repeats gently. "All of us. That doesn't change just because you're not ready for more marks. Okay?"

I nod, unable to speak around the lump in my throat. We stay like that for a long moment, until my tears subside and my breathing evens out.

When I pull back, Maddox gives me a soft smile. "Feel better?"

"Yeah," I say hoarsely, surprised to find that it's true. "Thanks, Maddox."

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