Page 45 of Awakening His Daddy

I don’t think I can make it, and the snow is showing no signs of letting up. The weather idiots who said it was going to be light were wrong and now we have a blizzard. You can’t see past your hand, and it’s twenty degrees outside, but it’s the howling wind and the pelting ice that have me really worried. Once it coats the power lines, it’s lights out, literally. Hopefully, the storm will end tonight and I can go to town tomorrow, because I’m going to explode milk everywhere if I don’t get my chest emptied soon. Or worse, I could get a blocked duct.

God, I still remember the pain from that one. I was fifteen and had been dealing with the leaking as best as I could; it wasn’t near as bad as it was now, but I didn’t want to tell my parents, because that’s the kind of thing you don’t talk about. My father would have thought me less a man, and telling my mom would’ve been embarrassing. So I’d been hiding it for years, and then I got a blocked duct.

The pain was sharp and tender at the same time. I couldn’t clear it by myself and eventually it became infected. I developed a fever, which led to me passing out, 911 getting called, and an incredibly awkward conversation with my parents and a nervous doctor.

Then my dad insisted that we try everything possible.

Hormone treatments, acupuncture, surgery, natural remedies, and some hippy-dippy bologna. When nothing worked or didn’t make me feel like shit, I wrapped myself and always changed in private. Thankfully, none of my teammates found out or I would have been ridiculed relentlessly. At work, I just told the officers that my dick was too big, and I didn’t want to hurt their egos. I wasn’t lying about that; it is rather impressive.

I get the eggs out of the fridge, and while I’m waiting for the pan to heat, I grab out things like flashlights, candles, and the battery-operated radio. Better to have what I need instead of trying to find it in the dark.

After scrambling up some eggs, I join Izzy in the living room.

He leans against me, and I pull him in close.

“Hurts.”

“I know, baby. I know. Just give them some time.”

I can tell when the meds kick in because he stops squirming and starts softly snoring. I move to turn this terrible movie off, but Izzy’s sleepy voice cuts me off.

“You have to watch the end so you can tell me what happens.”

I kiss the top of his sleepy head. “Only for you.” Even though we both know what’s going to happen. The boy and girl live happily ever after.

Rather than watching the end of the movie, I card my fingers lightly through Izzy’s soft mullet, and I can’t stop the smile that crosses my lips.

I never quite understood why he decided on this cut until I asked him, and he said, “Because it’s fun.”

He always wears fun shirts, usually with kittens on them, and his pants are rarely ever plain blue jeans. He’s got black, white, acid-washed, green, teal, purple. He’s so sure of himself cosmetically, but I think it might be a shield.

People won’t look too deep and see his scars if they can’t see past the funny.

I guess I’ve been the same, only I took a different approach. Look normal or like a hard-ass on the outside and no one will look at me too closely or at my leaking nipples. Not that I think anyone is looking at me anymore.

I’m too old, I’m getting fat, I don’t have that much money since the divorce. I have a single-bedroom apartment and this nice cabin in the woods. I’m not poor, but let’s just say I won’t be retiring anytime soon. Izzy sniffles and shifts in his sleep. He hisses but doesn’t wake.

Maybe I do need to get back out there. Leo’s been trying to get me to date again, even tricking me into going out.

I guess I have been lonely. Lonelier than I want to admit, but as I watch this sweet boy sleeping on my lap, I realize I miss this.Contact with someone. Not the sex so much, but just being with someone, watching a stupid movie while dozing on the couch.

I want to take care of him. Like right now, I’m thinking about going into the kitchen to make him something, because when he wakes up, I know he’ll need to eat.

I know I can’t have feelings for Izzy because he’s half my age and doesn’t need to be stuck with me.

Oh, and he’s my son’s best friend.

Leo is so open, though, I don’t think he’d mind…

Jeez, listen to me. I’m trying to justify dating Izzy, and I don’t even like guys. Maybe I just zeroed in on him because I know he likes me. Izzy huffs a small sound, and then he smiles for just a moment before he’s still again.

No, it’s not just his feelings that are making me fixate on him. It’s him.

This sweet and silly boy. I yawn loudly and close my eyes.

When I wake up, the next movie has started, and Izzy’s watching me.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty.” He grins at me with his head still in my lap.

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