Page 59 of Mastering Mayhem

“So, we’ll point her butt out the door.” I shrugged and set the phone by the bowl. “Guys, you can stand outside and retrieve the amulet from wherever it lands.”

Mayhem clapped Chaos on the shoulder. “Come, brother. We’ve been banished to the path of the poo.”

“You don’t have to stand exactly in her line of fire.” I rolled my eyes as they exited the building and took up their posts on either side of the door.

“Hey, sweet girl.” I stroked the griffin’s feathers, rousing her from sleep. “I know you’re tired, but we need you to move one more time. This won’t be pleasant, but it’ll get you home faster.”

She grumbled, but she got up and let us arrange the blankets for her by the door. When she plopped down, her tail hung outside. Mayhem lifted it and tucked it inside the building. Ash added two drops of honey to the potion, making it pop and sizzle before she handed the bowl to me.

“Let’s get Operation Beastie Bowels underway. We need you to drink this.” I set the bowl in front of the griffin, and she sniffed it before turning her head away.

“Please.” I laid a hand on her shoulder. “It will help you feel better.”

She eyed me for a moment, and my stomach clenched. She’d been compliant so far, but her agitation was growing, even with me. All she wanted to do was sleep. I knew the feeling.

Finally, she huffed and drank the potion. Ash took my hand and rested her other on the griffin’s belly. I did the same, and we recited the incantation.

The beastie’s abdomen rumbled, her intestines squelching and groaning. When they quieted, we recited the incantation again.

“Focus on the amulet,” Ash said. “Use your intent to draw it down.”

I felt the stone inside her and moved my hand over it, brushing her fur downward toward her backside. The griffin moaned, her insides cramping. She made sure I knew what it felt like. I had never experienced labor pains, but I imagined it was similar.

Slowly, steadily, the amulet made its way through her intestines. Every time her body stilled, we recited the incantation again, causing the poor beastie more pain, but getting the amulet closer and closer to the exit.

Her stomach bubbled. A puff of noxious gas shot out her backside, the stench so strong it could have melted the eyebrows off anyone in its path. We said the spell one more time. She rumbled and groaned.

“Get ready.” Ash massaged her belly.

“Thar she blows!” I covered my mouth and pinched my nose as our spell peaked, showing us its full effect.

And I mean itsfulleffect. Capital F-U-L-L.

The griffin’s butt cannon did its thing, shooting out everything she’d consumed in goddess knew how long. I expected the forceful blast to travel at least five yards out, taking the amulet with it.

But the prize for the absolute worst timing in the history of showing up at places you weren’t supposed to be went to Adrian and his crew.

Three witches stood a few feet outside the door, covered from head to toe in wet, steaming griffin poop.

20

EMBER

We all stood there in shock, staring at each other, no one moving at first. Miles’s friend Wendy flanked Adrian on his left, and Gray, who had dropped her shadow magic when the shit hit the witch, stood to his right. Her lower lip trembled, and she pressed it against her top, not daring to open her mouth and complain.

I couldn’t blame her. She had feces dripping down her face and nothing to wipe it off with.Gross.

“How did you find us?” I scanned the ground, looking for the amulet. It must have blasted past our adversaries.

Adrian stared at the doorway, narrowing his eyes like he couldn’t see where the voice was coming from.

Oh, right. Our ward.

Mayhem stepped away from the building, and Adrian’s gaze snapped to him, his expression livid. Chaos tossed a roll of paper towels at Gray’s feet, and she picked it up, unrolling several and cleaning herself before passing it to Adrian.

With her face semi-clear, she took a chance and opened her mouth. “Please tell me this isn’t…”

“Explosive diarrhea straight from the bowels of Hell?” I crossed my arms. “Yeah, you deserve it for summoning her to do your dirty work.” They were lucky the poor beastie hadn’t become an egg cannon too.

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