Page 18 of Us Deadly Few

Khalani inhaled deeply, guilt overpowering her for snapping at the person she loved most. “I’m sorry, Winnie. I’m just worried. What if we reach Hermes and the man on the walkie doesn’t meet us? Or what if we get locked out on the surface? What if leaving was a mistake?” The words spilled out in a rush, her heartbeat quickening with each dire possibility that engulfed her mind.

Success was never a guarantee. In fact, defeat felt more likely every day. But this time, it wasn’t only her life on the line. Khalani managed to convince six people to escape Apollo with her.

If something went wrong, their deaths would fall at her feet.

“It wasn’t a mistake. Because of you, we uncovered the truth about the surface. Isn’t it gorgeous?” Winnie looked around, wide-eyed, as if a kaleidoscope of bright, effervescent colors streaked across the sandy desert.

Khalani lifted her gaze. Dust floated in the air, and in the far-off distance, several buildings were crumpled on the ground, completely abandoned to the wasteland.

“That’s not the word I would use,” she hedged.

“Can’t you hear the grass?”

“What grass, Winnie?”

Winnie shakily lifted her finger and pointed ahead. “Right there, Khalani. Don’t you hear the softest grass whistling in the wind? Can’t you see the oaks and evergreens surrounding us?”

Khalani’s brows knitted, scanning the piles of ruin around them. “I don’t see anything, Winnie.”

“Try, Khalani. See it in your mind’s eye, like you used to tell Winnie in Braderhelm. Remember? Just imagine it.”

Her mouth parted. In prison, she’d stare at the ceiling of her cell at night, absorbing tales of the surface from Winnie’s oldbooks. She imagined plants stretching across the stone, the sun and moon peaking over the cracks, ocean waves crashing against rocks.

She’d never witnessed such awe-inspiring acts before. But her mind stretched out and manifested the images, like the memories of those who came before resided in her blood.

But ever since she discovered the Governor was nothing more than a machine, those images faded.

As if thetruthhad obliterated everything in her mind and left nothing but deadly hate. It boiled beneath her skin, forcing dangerous questions to consume her.

Did the Governor speak with her so frequently in Apollo because he found a reflection of himself?

Was she that similar?

That…inhuman?

“I can’t see anything anymore, Winnie. I’ve tried every night, but all I see is black.” Her chin trembled. “What if something’s wrong with me?”

“There isnothingwrong with you.”

She shook her head, her throat tightening. “In Apollo, the Governor kept wanting to be near me. He looked at me like he recognized something similar.” Khalani paused, and the thoughts she tried to shove away rushed forth with a vengeance. “What if I’m the same as him?”

Winnie jerked to a stop, and Khalani rushed to speak while she still had the courage. “I cut my hand every night. It bleeds—the same color red as everyone else’s. But I don’tfeelanything. No pain. Just this strange detachment. Like I’m here physically, but not reallyhere,” she emphasized, her eyes beginning to water.

“Stop. Look at Winnie.” Winnie locked eyes with her, and Khalani swam in the warm brown of the earth. “You are not your fears. Do you understand?”

A lone tear slid down her cheek.

“Khalani.” Winnie cupped a cold hand to her face. “Even those who feel the most can feel empty. Do you want to know what it means to be alive? It’s not perfection. It’s not being okay all the time. It’s having fears. Feeling like you aren’t good enough. Trying every day to be better. Your tears reflect how beautifully imperfect you are. What could be more human than that?”

Her tears slid through Winnie’s fingers. Like drops of hope in an empty desert.

“Please never leave me,” she whispered.

“Winnie is right here,” Winnie touched the center of her chest, “for the rest of existence.”

Khalani hugged her tighter, and she imagined they were back in the Braderhelm library, surrounded by stories that made her heart storm out of her chest. The worries in her mind abated, and her thoughts quieted for the first time in weeks.

Suddenly, thin arms shot around them like a cannon, and Serene’s muffled voice came. “I want in on this cuddle puddle of feelings.”

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