Page 39 of Fervor

“Hi, Harlem. They’ve gotten her to a room, and Mama is back there talking to her. Hopefully, we will soon know when we can see her.”

“Thanks for letting me know. I’m outside in the parking lot, so if something develops, I’m already here.”

“Okay. Vegas and Keke’s plane lands in the next hour.”

“Okay. Thanks for updating me.”

“Of course.”

I ended the call, knowing that I would soon know whether Yunique wanted to see me or not.

“I’m so sorry you’re here, Yunique.”

“Me too.”

“Are you? Are you really ready to let this trauma go?”

I looked away from Dr. King as I took a deep breath. “I thought I did.”

“Look at me, Yunique.” I turned to her as my machine beeped. She glanced at it and said, “Dig deep inside yourself, and respond to me again. I can’t make it disappear, baby. You are the only person that can let go. You aren’t protecting yourself by remembering any of that. If you don’t let it go, it will kill you. None of us want to see you choose that. I’ve given you the tools to help you repeatedly. All the breathing techniques, prayer, mental and physical exercises, journaling, the options were endless. How much of it have you been doing?”

I swallowed hard, knowing that I hadn’t really done any of it. Staring down at my IV they’d put in my hand, I said, “None of it. I just moved on.”

“Yunique, the exercises are to help you get it out of your system. It’s normal to be triggered, but it’s not normal for it to affect you this way. You could have died, baby. You didn’t move on. You shoved it to the back of your mind.”

She stood and came to my bedside, and I watched tears fall from her eyes. “I’m your therapist, but over time, I truly feel like you’re my baby… my daughter. I hate to see the turmoil you’re in… that you are putting yourself through. Letting go isn’t easy, but you have to start making strides in that direction. Burying it inside does not help. That’s why you’re here.”

“I know but this situation…”

“I’ve talked to Harlem.”

My eyes widened. “He’s here?”

“Yes. He was here before me, pacing and crying. He loves you so much, baby. I understand you needing space to work through the revelation, but this? This isn’t the way to get space. Vegas, Keondra, Sasha, and your mother are on their way too. We all want what’s best for you. When you aren’t at your best, it worries all of us.”

She grabbed my hand, lifting it from the bed and kissed it. “Yunique? Do you want to die?”

“No. I’m just tired of fighting my thoughts… fighting my body.”

“Well, quit fighting after the fact and do the work so this doesn’t happen again. You have a lot of support. You know that. They had to do CPR on you to get you back. This is your flashing red warning. It smacked you right in the face to make sure you saw it. Please take heed. Whatever you need for any of us to do, we are here.”

I took a deep breath as my machine beeped again. My blood pressure was high. I closed my eyes and asked, “Can I have visitors?”

“Yes. I don’t think you need to be alone. I’m sure your family will want to take turns staying up here with you anyway… at least until we decide what we will do.”

“What do you mean?”

“You may need to go to a psych ward, baby. I’m not going to take it easy on you and ignore the signs simply because I know you and you’re family. I have to do my job.”

Tears fell down my cheeks. I didn’t want to have to go to a psych ward. However, I knew I needed to accept whatever was best for me. I nodded then asked, “Can I see Harlem first?”

“Yunique—”

“Please?”

She smiled slightly. I supposed me wanting to see him gave her a slither of hope in my recovery. She nodded then left the room. I closed my eyes and thought about what I’d been through. I literally had an out-of-body experience. Seeing myself on the floor unresponsive was hard. I was confused at first, just simply staring at myself. When I realized what was happening, it was like I started screaming at myself to wake up.I don’t want to die.

Within seconds after I made that declaration, I was sucked back into my body. I literally thought that I did want to die at first. However, after seeing what my death would do to the people I loved, I changed my mind. I knew I needed to feel that way for myself. I needed to be concerned about me and not what everyone else thought and felt.

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