Page 40 of Fervor

As I lay here, reevaluating my life and mental health, Harlem stepped inside the room. Instead of feeling scared and overwhelmed, I felt a sense of relief. I closed my eyes briefly, trying to restrain tears. I felt like a big ass crybaby, and I justwanted all of this to stop. He came closer and stood at my bedside. When I saw how red his eyes were, I could no longer contain them.

He grabbed my hand and kissed it. “Hey, baby.”

“Hey. I’m sorry.”

“What are you apologizing for? I’m sorry. This is my fault.”

I slowly shook my head. Before I could correct him, the nurse entered the room. She checked my machine and said, “Doctor King put in an order for something for your blood pressure.”

I nodded. She had a syringe of medicine. She scanned it then my hospital bracelet, then pushed it through my IV. “This should make you feel better. Do you have a headache?”

“It’s slight, but it’s there.”

She placed her hand on my shoulder and gave me a soft smile. “I’m leaving for the day, so I hope you have a speedy recovery, if you aren’t here when I return to work in a couple of days.”

“Thank you.”

When she left the room, I turned my attention back to the gorgeous man standing here, who just wanted to love me. “This wasn’t your fault, Harlem. It was my fault. While the situation was tough, it shouldn’t have affected me this severely. I didn’t deal with the trauma properly, as Doctor King suggested. I was hardheaded. It was like I thought I didn’t need to do all those things, as if I were the professional.”

I slowly shook my head as I thought about things. “If I was just going to do what I wanted to do, I was wasting time at those therapy sessions.”

“So where does that leave us, baby? I mean… I’m not going anywhere. I meant what I said in that note. I feel like that pushed you here.”

I closed my eyes as I reflected on his beautiful words of love and devotion. That didn’t push me here. “No. I got myself hereby fighting against what I feel for you because of what I thought it looked like. I got myself here by not properly dealing with what Mo did to us, especially when I had all the tools to be better. I wasted Doctor King’s time. If anything, your words gave me something to look forward to.”

“What’s that?”

“Being in love.” I cleared my throat as I adjusted the oxygen mask. I wanted to yank that shit off. “I’m gonna need some time alone to really deal with my demons, but I still wanna see you every day. I need you too, Harlem… more than I thought. I thought I would have to live the rest of my life without you. This is going to be a long, hard road, but I’m willing to do it right this time. I’m going to give it my all. I don’t want to die.”

“I will do whatever you need me to do except let you go. I love you, Yunique. We have a life to build… a family to create.” He closed his eyes and slowly shook his head. “You got me forever, baby. I’m just so relieved that you can see how much you mean to me.”

I nodded slowly. Harlem leaned over and kissed my forehead. Before he could pull away, I brought my hand to his cheek. Using my other hand, I removed the mask and pulled his face back to me. I needed to feel his lips against mine. When he kissed me, I was taken back to Tahiti. The way he loved on me the entire time was what I needed to focus on.

He could have pretended he didn’t know Mo and not told me at all. The admission of that later in our marriage or me simply finding out would have really killed me, especially since I’d mentioned Mo’s name. Moore was such a common last name. Him having the same last name as Mo didn’t even cross my mind. That was another reason why I thought I was done with it.

Maybe I’d made progress and just didn’t realize I wasn’t done with the journey. It was like taking antibiotics to get rid of an infection and not finishing the prescription because you startedfeeling better halfway through it. The doctors said to finish it, but a lot of times, people didn’t. I’d started the work. Had I not, I wouldn’t have been able to be with Harlem at all. I didn’t finish the prescription.

“I’m not only gonna be better for myself, but you deserve a better version of me too. Our last couple of days in Tahiti was bullshit, and I allowed it to overshadow just how amazing the trip was. I’ve never felt so loved and cherished. You are definitely not your father’s son. Your mother raised a real man with a wonderful personality and a heart that knows no bounds. I can’t wait to fall in love with you, Harlem. This breakdown was not about you. It was about my lapse in my healing journey.”

He kissed my hand then pulled my mask back down over my mouth as I rolled my eyes. “You need it. You sound a little winded. I ain’t never cried over anyone other than when I lost my mama. You a rare breed, Yunique Mott. A rare breed that snatched my fucking soul. I promise, if you would have checked outta here, I would have checked out right behind you. Don’t worry about me or no one else. Focus on getting better so you can come home. We need to figure out where we gon’ live, girl.”

I chuckled. “Yeah. We both have houses that neither of us has had the pleasure of seeing. We have decisions to make.”

“Yep. And houses to christen.”

I smiled as he leaned over and kissed my forehead again. Closing my eyes, I knew I was making the right decision. Harlem caressed my hand and said, “Get some rest, baby. You look worn out. Plus, your sisters are out there cutting up, wondering why there can’t be more than one visitor at a time back here.”

I chuckled silently. “Okay. You go get some rest too. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He nodded then lifted my mask and kissed my lips again. When he left, I inhaled deeply and slowly released it, knowingI had plenty of work to do. I was worth it, though, and so was Harlem.

I giggled as I watched Keke and Sasha dance. They were idiots. I had been in the psych ward for two days. They kept me in Tallahassee Memorial for two days to make sure I was physically okay, poking and prodding every three hours it seemed. Doctor King had me going through extensive therapy. I had to attend three one-hour sessions daily. While I didn’t want to do it, I knew it had to be necessary. She wouldn’t have me doing it if she didn’t think I needed it. Doctor King wanted to keep me here for a week.

“Jungle is in town,” Sasha said.

“What’s he doing here?” I asked.

She gave me a slight smile. “To see about you. In his words, ‘Yonkers’s pride and joy.’”

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