Page 82 of Bad Nanny

The thought filled me with sadness. I wanted to stay, and I wanted to continue to take care of Delaney.

There was still a small tendril of doubt that Gabriel would want that too. He said he was fine with my puppet alter ego, but was he really, or had he just felt bad my puppet had been destroyed? Would he be fine with it one day and not the next? What if I made a video he didn’t like?

As I sat cross-legged on the floor of my studio, surrounded by puppet-making materials that Gabriel’s credit card had paid for, I knew that this was a step in the right direction.

It took an entire day of going to craft stores, fabric shops, and hunting down specialty items to find everything I needed. Sarah Swoon might have been destroyed, but once I remade her, she’d be the best version of herself.

In a way, it was like I was remaking myself at the same time. One moment, I’d felt like I didn’t know up from down, and now I could see the path forward—at least, where my puppets were concerned.

A soft knock sounded on the door, and I put down the foam head I’d been stitching fabric to. “Come in.”

Gabriel opened the door, laptop in hand, but didn’t come in. “Hey, can we talk?”

I looked at the clock on the microwave, not realizing it was already almost nine. “Sure.” I was in a lot better headspace than I had been that morning, even if I was still uncertain about where we stood. “I found everything I needed to make a new puppet. I made sure to buy only the most expensive options with your credit card. We’re talking real diamond rhinestones for her glasses and felt harvested from only the best felt trees.”

He chuckled and sat down on the floor next to me. “I only want the best formy girls.”

“Am I still your girl?” I picked up a scrap of felt, rubbing it between my fingers. “Did you really mean what you said this morning?”

“I did.” He rubbed a hand over his closed laptop, and I wondered why he had it. Maybe a new contract for me to sign? Termination paperwork? “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about us.”

I twisted the fabric, unintentionally mimicking the twisting in my stomach. “What about us?”

He turned and took my hand in his. “I want you to be a part of our lives.” He paused, like he wanted to say something else.

“But?” I braced myself for the inevitable conditions.

“I know I’m not always the easiest to deal with when I get inside my head or react in the moment. I have issues I need to work on. Control issues, fear, anxiety... I have a therapy appointment next week.”

I knew he’d eventually take the steps he needed to for his mental health, but him taking action so soon was surprising. “I’m proud of you.”

A faint blush crept onto his cheeks. “I don’t deserve your praise. It’s my fault for ignoring my own needs over the past several months.”

I squeezed his hand. “But it takes a lot to acknowledge to yourself that you need help. Especially when you are so used to being the put together one who runs a billion-dollar company.”

“Thank you.” He brought my hand to his cheek and pressed it against his skin. “I love you. I love the way youaccept me despite my flaws, the way you light up a room, the way you love my daughter.”

My eyes filled with tears, but I somehow managed to keep them from cascading down my cheeks. “I’m sorry for lying to you.”

He stayed silent, his eyes studying me with an intensity that made my heart pound.

I swallowed, trying to gather my thoughts. “I was scared that you’d be disappointed in me. Scared that you’d think less of me because of it.”

“If I made you feel that way, I’m the one who should be apologizing.”

I shook my head. “My dad always wanted me to do something ‘worthwhile’ with my life. He never understood why I loved puppetry so much—how it gave me an outlet for emotions and thoughts I would have kept bottled up. To him, it was just a silly hobby, and puppets were something to play with.” I let out a small laugh, though there was no humor in it. “When I started Sarah Swoon, and it became popular, I guess part of me was scared of having to deal with those same feelings again. He started to pressure me about a job, and I went with it, so he wouldn’t get suspicious of where my money was coming from.”

“That had to have been hard, but on the plus side, it gave me you.” Gabriel turned his face and kissed the palm of my hand. “I’ll understand if you don’t want to nanny anymore. You’re probably making enough that you don’t need to.”

“I want to.” A tear slid down my cheek, because the thought of not seeing him and Delaney every single day when they woke up and when they fell asleep hurt a piece ofme that I hadn’t known existed. “But the lines between nanny and girlfriend are a bit blurred now... They have been for a while.”

“I don’t expect you to take on a caregiving role as my girlfriend. That’s not fair, especially when you have a business to run.” A line appeared between his brows, and I ran my thumb over it.

“Do you have someone else in mind to take care of her?” This conversation was turning awkward, because there I was, this random woman he hadn’t even known seven weeks ago, asking him in a roundabout way to be Delaney’s, what? Her pseudo stay-at-home stepmom?

“Only you. Instead of being the nanny, you can be...”

“Josie, the stay-at-home girlfriend?” I cringed. “Maybe we don’t need to label it right now.”

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