Page 25 of Mistress A-0002

She was quiet, looking between me and my men, giving me time to allow them to leave. When I didn’t, she slowly nodded, almost sadly.

“You’ve never been an easy patient. I thought I had you under control back then, but the grief was too new and hard for you to deal with. And me, although my ego was big, I wasn’t who I am today. I was nowhere near as skilled.” Another pause. “Yes, you did attack me, but I’m afraid it wasn’t just that. You’re already aware of how physical you can be during sessions. We’ve learned that over the years. I never told you the entire truth about the first time.”

“But…I thought…You said?—”

Her head shook. “During the last few sessions before summer break, you wouldn’t stop calling me Vivia. You couldn’t see me as your doctor. In your mind, nothing I said to you was the truth. We’d get to a certain part, and you’d slip into this state of mind where you kept calling me,or her,a liar. I tried to convince you on numerous occasions that I wasn’t her. We got nowhere. I’d bring you out of it with no success. I thought ifI tried another approach, it might work. I was wrong. The last time, you were especially agitated. I should have stopped, but I thought I was in control. I was wrong. You were in so deep, but I was nowhere near as fast as you. You slipped right back into that memory and kept yelling her name, calling me a liar. That’s when you pinned me down and raped me, Elec. I was a mess. You were a mess.But it wasn’t your fault.I knew that. I couldn’t blame you when you had no control over your actions. And you didn’t. It’s why we’ve never revisited that memory since.”

“What?”

“It wasn’t your fault,” she emphasized. “I never wanted you to know. I didn’t want anyone to know. Shortly after…I had an abortion.”

“What?” I gripped the sides of her face, shaking her through the news that would not process.

“Calm down. You’re hurting me.”

“I’m not hurting you yet. I raped you…and you hid that from me?”

“It wasmyfault. I was pregnant and terrified.The news would have made you spiral even worse. I couldn’t have that. Not when it was me who acted irresponsibly. If you don’t believe me about the abortion, it’s not public in the outside-sense, but it is in my file with the Council. It was a mistake, Elec. For both of us. Back then, I had no idea what you were capable of while under. I should have had someone else in the room with the amount of trauma you held. With what you did to Vivia…it was isolated; I thought I could handle it. On auction night.” Tears welled in her eyes. “You had a lot to drink. My torn dress. You—I can’t help you. Why do you think I mentioned not being your doctor? I’ve watched you decline the last few months. You’re too powerful for me to control in that state.I can’t do this anymore. Elec—” A sob shook her, and tears raced to my palms where Igripped her face. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t begin to wrap my mind around what she was confessing.

“I never told a soul.I’d never tell. I’m sorry. I tried to make you better, to make this right, but I think I’ve only made it worse. Don’t be mad at me.”

Silence. Was I even breathing? I knew my heart was beating. My raging, thundering pulse was all I could hear.

“The kiss? Explain that.”

Round eyes had the room spinning, but it stopped as her lids dropped the smallest amount and her brow drew in. I blinked through the fog, feeling my body vibrate from the growl as I recognized the trance I’d almost slipped into. A trance Ishouldhave slipped into.

“Elec…you kissed me. One minute we were arguing, the next you were jerking me forward. I didn’t even try to put you under. I did nothing but prepare to defend my stance over Braddock’s condition. I mean…maybe I made an expression or gesture that triggered you. It’s possible with how upset I was. But it wasn’t my fault. I wanted to explain that, but you stormed out. It wasn’t me,it was you.”

My hands squeezed against her face. All I could do was shake my head. I was always good at words. I was quick to action. But not now. There was only one thing on my mind, and it fell from my lips angrier than I’d ever heard myself.

“I’m a lot of fucking things, but I am not a rapist. …I’m not a fucking rapist. Sure as hell not to Vivia. Not to anyone.”

An agonizing sob.

“Are you saying I’m lying? Do you really think I’d lie about this?I’ve been trying to protect you.”

My hands lifted from her cheeks, staying in the air as I took steps back. Still, my head was shaking. Words. Words.

I took a deep breath, trying to ground my thoughts.

“Let’s get this out in the open. I want no room for speculation. Are you saying I raped you again the night of the auction? Is that what you’re claiming?”

Melissa’s hands cupped her mouth. Her shoulders shook through the cries. A good minute passed before she calmed enough to wipe the tears and try to compose herself.

“You did. I went to Medical. I took care of it. You don’t have to worry about a child. I made sure we…I wouldn’t have to go through that again.”

She turned, and a roar left me as I surged forward, spinning her around.

“You took care of it? I don’t have to worry? How about, I had the fucking right to know. I had a goddamn say.”

A puzzled expression took over as Melissa stared at me.

“Are you saying you would have wanted the child?”

“I’m saying I could have been there for you. That I had the right to be part of something I supposedly caused. I deserved?—”

“Nothing! You deserved nothing, Elec. This wasn’t an affair. Nothing about either time was consensual. I am married.”

---