Page 51 of Caged By Dance and Desire

He nodded slowly and, holding his gaze, I stepped back then turned and walked down the hall. I found the kitchen, and a side exit and walked into the night, a gentle fog glimmering under the magic-steam powered lamps.

Quiet.

No Fae presence pressing against me.

Walking, I breathed in the night air, not thinking, just relaxing.

It had been long enough since I’d had to walk away that I’d almost forgotten how hard it was to take that first step, the one that always felt like life was over if I left that man. And how easyit was to take the fifth, sixth, seventh. . .until I was free, and realized my attachment had been another desperate illusion.

The last time, I’d finally learned my lesson. That whatever I needed to fill the hole inside me, I needed to come up with on my own. I’d be happier alone than with a string of men who used me for their purposes and gave nothing in return.

I exhaled, and smiled.

I didn’t want to go back into Andrei’s golden cage tonight.

No one could make me. Not even pain was my master.

Not even a High Fae Lord.

Chapter

Fifteen

But a pang of guilt reminded me I was breaking an implied promise as I walked toward a public transit stop.

The responsible thing would be to return, inform Andrei firmly that I needed time alone, and then go for my walk.

Except Andrei wasn’treasonable,and clear communication and boundary setting didn’t always work with strong-willed people, remember?

That’s when you smiled, said uh-huh, and waited until their back was turned, because they left you no choice.

He didn't completely recognize my autonomy. He tried, but I couldn’t always ignore the gaping chasm between effort and reality, and too frequently he weaponized a beguiling voice and coy eyes to gloss over said chasm.

He reminded me of me. One might almost think we actually were soulmates.

Not the kind who balanced each other out, but the kind who were so much alike, they drove each other to drink. Or murder.

Really, taking a walk was doing us both a favor. It was a perfectly healthy coping mechanism.

I could attempt to communicate that adults didn't require permission to come and go as desired. He’d laugh—inside—wield one of those slow, gentle smiles that didn’t quite hide his teeth, and usher me home where he’d triple my guard and ply me with more food and toys as a distraction. Maybe play dress up because he liked buying me clothes and putting me in them. Like a doll.

It would work, as long as he didn't try to prevent me from going to rehearsals.

I couldn’t keep letting him get away with that. It only encouraged the bad behavior.

As I rode the double decker to the Arts, I acknowledged that he knew more about the Courts and Cassanian culture than I did. I acknowledged the probability of some danger—these Fae were a bit more unbridled than Earth politicians. At least in public.

That didn't change the fact that I shouldn't be treated as a dependent.

And it didn't change the fact that I needed this time to myself to think.

Hasannah.Andrei’s voice, sharp and displeased. His real voice, not the light, languid tones he used to befuddle me into thinking he was sweet and harmless. Nothing adult with a cock was sweet and harmless.Where are you?

I ignored him.

Hasannah, this is not a game of chase. Not a lover’s spat.Where are you?

I pushed him out of my mind. I understood there was a methodology to constructing mental barriers, he'd already explained that much but hadn't got around to actually teaching me. Instinctively, I was able to construct a type of mental barrier. Like manifesting. Universe, make me a giant brick wall to keep my hissy boyfriend out of my head. And, voilà, giant brick wall.

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