Page 62 of Lord of Dance and Desire

I sighed, relaxing, and stepped closer, enclosing her in my arms, tucking her head against my chest. “You're healing, Anah. It’ll take time. Did you think you could go through what you did and wake up the next morning and. . .go right back to the studio?”

“Yes,” she said in a small voice.

“Of course you did. I forget to whom I speak.” I shook my head. “If dance is what you need, I certainly won't stop you. I have no right to stop you. But, please, don't use dance to punish yourself. If it comes to it, I’d rather you used me.”

She gave me a look, then lifted her hands, digging her fingers into my shirt. “What if I deserve the punishment?” Her expression hardened in a smooth, cold mask. “It wasn't rape, Andrei. Dartanyon didn't rape me. I executed him anyway.”

I didn't move, not to grimace or roll my eyes. Darkness, she was young. She believed what she was saying. I wouldn’t mock her for it. “What do you mean, Hasannah?”

“I don't think you understand how the power works for me. It only works because I believe it. Because I feel it. I controlled him, softened his will, used. . .myself. . .as bait. But I can only do that because I loved him. Because I wanted him. The succubus doesn't rise when those two emotions are absent. It—what happened between us wasn't rape. I used sex against him so I could kill him and get away. I’m just as guilty.”

I tightened my arms when she made to push away. If she wanted to escape me, I’d let her go—well, a few feet—but that wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted me to be another whip, and this I'd refuse. Not for Dartanyon.

“Hasannah. Look at me.”

She laughed, the sound broken and bitter. “You know, you all have been tiptoeing around me like I was a victim. And I wasn't. Dartanyon was.”

I waited until I could speak without anger. In her current state, even with our minds melding, she would mistake it for anger at her.

“Dartanyon tried to break you,” I said. “To take your life. To overpower your will. You responded with the weapons you had at hand, and you defeated him. He fucked around, Anah, and he found out.”

She stared at me.

I bared my teeth. “Would you find fault with an individual who defended themselves with a knife, or a gun?”

“. . .no.”

“And if they flattered and cajoled their abuser until in a position to flee, or until aid arrived? Would you tell them their chosen strategy, their act of self-defense, made them culpable to the crime committed against them?”

Her bottom lip turned down. “Of course not.”

“Then why do you hold yourself at fault? Even if in that moment your only weapon was to fall so deeply in love with him that our soulbond broke—” I lowered my head “—it would still be an act of self-defense against an aggressor. You did nothing wrong. You were wronged, not Dartanyon.”

I slid fingers under her chin, lifting her head so she couldn’t escape my gaze.

“You showed strength, strategic thinking, and ruthlessness. Everything I could wish for in my consort. I won’t allow you to denigrate yourself with guilt or self-loathing. Not over that piece of shit. You could seduce and kill him a hundred times over and we would all toast your victory. Each and every time.” I paused. “My mother is pleased.”

Her eyes widened. She sputtered. “Oh, well, in that case.”

“Yes. In that case. She can tell the Courts you killed the man who offended you, and you walked away without a bruise to mar your skin. She can tell them any others who try will meet the same fate, and she needn’t stir herself on your behalf. Don’t you understand, Anah?” I shook her, gently, though it was hard. “They have a reason to fear you now. To fear your threat, not mine, not the High Lord’s. Yours. You turned what would have been a humiliation into a demonstration of Sahakian-Casakraine power. You upheld our honor. Even Mia is. . .well, not impressed. But more convinced of your mettle.”

A long moment of silence. “And all I had to do was get a little murdery.”

I kissed her forehead. “Yes. And killing isn’t so bad, is it? Next time will be much easier.”

She looked up at me, her expression odd. “Jesus. I can’t make this stuff up.”

Her infant deity again. I had no idea what she meant, so I set it aside. “Will you come inside now? Rest?” I lowered my voice into a croon. “I have dark chocolate squares and blackberries to drizzle with that. . .male’s. . .honey.” The insult of him sending my bonded a personal gift still rankled. But we were supposed to be allies, so I couldn’t kill him without appearing rash. “And popped corn. All your favorite treats.”

Other than my cock—Mathen was wrong, I was her favorite—but she wasn’t ready to eat that yet.

Her lips curved, though her eyes remained shadowed. But it was enough for now. Enough that she gave me her hand and followed me into the living room and let us coddle her. Con let her braid his hair—I should cut it off, but he would only avenge himself,and we desperately needed a few quiet weeks. Math discussed a reasonable schedule with her while Philea demanded details on how Anah weaponized her nature against a Lord.

I listened to the recounting, pleased. She would grow into a threat of her own merit, and in such a way my mother was now firmly on Hasannah’s side rather than considering her quiet execution.

I smiled.Yes, next time will be much easier, my love. As easy as breathing.

Chapter

---