Page 45 of Lord of Dance and Desire

Clawing spirits desperately digging out of a constantly crumbling grave.

I began the first steps of a dance meant to offer solace, a lifeline, a solution if only they would come to me. But they couldn’t come to me. They would die, I would die. Either because my strengthening succubus would overfeed and poison us both or because they would discover what I’d done and howl for my death.

I reached out an arm, brushing against the faintest tip of that mass yearning.Call me. I will come.

Dance with me.

Give me your?—

No. I couldn’t.

I withdrew, let it be a simple dance even though abandoning them pained me.

Their frustration gnawed at my will. Hearts with no reason to beat, but for these few moments I gave them a reason.

Beat for me.

Drown in the music.

I gave them my sorrow, my ambition, my constant burning determination. My relentless hunger to be more, to do more. But also my pleasure in a hot mug of coffee, and lately—I smiled, thinking of Ashlyun—tea.

The comfort of multiple bodies crowding me in bed, the blanket of quiet breaths and silken drape of hair. The steady affection of smiles and the inverse—the irritation and snapping anger that came with living under the feet of the same people day in and day out.

Inside, I laughed.

The awful,delightfulirritation. Because family was supposed to irritate you.

I understood Andrei wanted me to hold back this side of myself, but as I danced I couldn’t entirely ignore the call. It would be like telling me to ignore breath. The day I no longer responded to the plea of a crowd would be the day I died.

This was what I was.

So I danced, and I gave my succubus a little of what she wanted, their life, their energy, their desire. And returned to them my warmth, my passion, my promise that this life still held wonder, and purpose, and majesty.

That there was hope until death, and even then life didn’t truly end, simply transformed. But no matter how dark their days, their souls, they were someone’s light. Someone’s reason.

Live another day. Just one more. It was worth it.

I couldn’t see Andrei through the harsh stage lights, but I looked towards him nonetheless.

Connected. Fed him my energy, filled myself with him. Next to him the strong, formidable feminine presence I shied away from.

Tempting. . .what a meal she would make.

Icould drown inher.

But if I did, I would leave my people alone, and I couldn’t do that to them. Couldn’t deprive them of the sustenance I both sipped from them, giving them relief, and the love I offered in return. Though they were Fae, they wouldn’t call it love. They would call it subjugation.

Don’t forget me,I whispered to them.Come to me, and I will be yours.

Come to me, and you will be mine.

I looked towards the High Lord.Choose me, and I will deliver them to you every night.

I will make them love you.

ANDREIEN

“She could be very useful to us,” my mother murmured as the group number ended and Hasannah left the stage with her two partners. “Can she be controlled?”

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