Page 48 of Heir to His Court

She continued knitting. “Muriel, Raniel, and I. . .we grew in the same storm. He loved Muriel, as much as he loved Avallonne. He would not have hurt her child. Not when he needs her to reclaim the Isle and secure the power of the Trident.”

“But he was asleep,” Numair said.

“I can dreamwalk,” I said, bracing my hands on the table. Telling them this was like wading through quicksand in a dream. “When I was five, I inadvertently accessed his mind. He chose not to kill me as a favor to my mother. Instead, he played with me, trained me.” I watched my father’s back. “He was like an imaginary best friend, a teacher, an older cousin. We frolicked in the sand and ran through the forests. Swam in the ocean and explored the caves.”

I’d flown on dragon back. But that was not my secret to tell. “Every minute of play was training. I swear he didn’t touch me. You know I can’t lie to you.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Tereille asked.

“I couldn’t.”

Édouard glanced at my father, whose back was still to the room. Aunt Fatma approached Baba, murmuring softly in Kikuyu, taking his hands in hers. Murungaru joined them.

“Is that all?” The commander pointed. “Don’t think I don’t know you’ve given us the highly abbreviated version. Is thereanything elsewe need to know, Aerinne?”

“Yeah. Why she killed Embry,” Lavendre said. “Still hasn’t answered the question.” Of everyone, even Tereille, she was the most calm. Her eyes lacking judgment. . .of Raniel.

“Baba,” I said. “Please don’t be angry with me. I couldn’t—please.”

“Embry’s death wasn’t planned,” Numair said, approaching to sling an arm across my back. “It was a skirmish, and she was in bloodlust. It wasn’t her fault. It was an accident.”

Lavendre stared at him. “If she tripped and knocked over his tea onto his books, that would be an accident. I’m sorry, how do you accidentally run someone through with your sword? He was a university professor, and a declared pacifist.”

“He should not have approached Nyawira alone,” Murungaru said, dark eyes hard, arm around Baba’s shoulders. “He died for his offense. He should have brought his offer to Lord Étienne. He knew Aerinne was in danger and he chose to bypass us.Ido not blame you, Nya. You protected yourself. We don’t want to bury another Wairumu woman young.”

Baba’s posture went rigid.

“I slit his throat,” I said, their conversation going gray and distant as I stared at Lavendre from a place in my mind where there was nothing. No guilt, no pain, no fear of death. No anger. No anguish at hurting my father. “He spoke of Danon and I—I shattered.”

Lavendre said nothing, her eyes too old, refusing to allow me to flinch from the scale they contained. I wouldn’t flinch. Finally, someone to offer me judgement, and absolution or punishment. I couldn’t carry this any longer. I wanted to be free of it, even if that meant death.

In her eyes. . . I think I saw understanding. She knew. She knew why I was not fighting Renaud’s demand. Why I was preparing to kneel at his feet. I’d killed my bonded’s son, and it had not been an accident, not like my mother’s death.

“Is Lord Danon alive?” Édouard asked. No one had asked before now, respect for the time she had lost.

“He’s alive. They stopped torturing us after the first few days. I guess our screams lost their luster.”

Or Renaud had intervened.

I closed my eyes. Juliette slung an arm my shoulders. “Breathe, Rinne,” she murmured, rubbing her hand in circles on my back. “Damnit, breathe.”

“Danon’s alive,” I said. “He’s—”

“Snap out of it,” Lavendre said, her skirt rustling as she stood and approached. “Listen, you all can’t let her wallow in the fragile princess role just because she’s a pretty halfling. This is High Court politics and she’s mated to the fucking Prince. Stop coddling her. I mean it, girl, if you don’t snap out of it, I’ll slap you.”

I knew she would, so I straightened, pulling away from Juliette. My brother was alive and ohGodsof my mother wouldIseehimbeforeIdiedand—

Sharp pain on my face.

It. . .could have been worse.

Juliette glared at Lavendre. “What is wrong with you? Do you have any idea what she’s been through?”

Lavendre crossed her arms. “You mean like being imprisoned and tortured for ten years?”

“You keep saying it was avacation.”

“That’s enough,” I said and dropped into my well, my skin tinging gray.

---