Page 16 of Heir to His Court

Renaud turned away again. He crossed the threshold into the gardens beyond and I followed. He stared into a fountain, his gaze riveted as if the falling water offered answers, or solace.

“There's nothing I can say that will make you feel better,” he repeated. “And that is what you want from me. Comfort. I will not offer false comfort. I am who I am, Aerinne.”

“Who are you?” I stepped closer to him, close enough that I could reach out and place my hand on his tense, muscled shoulder. I didn’t touch him. “Do you even know?”

“Pain, perhaps, and thwarted joy made flesh.”

I closed my eyes. I didn't weep for him, I didn't even weep for myself. There was no point in it. The wounds that had shaped the male standing in front of me were thousands of years deep, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to heal them. They couldn't be healed. I didn't suffer from the delusion that my love would somehow soften his nature.

No, he would always be a monster.

He would always be my monster.

And probably, until he killed me, I would always be his.

“I know I can't change you. I’d bash in my head making the attempt. But I need to know that you feel, Renaud. People died.”

Part of that was the fallout of whatever he had been required to do to halt Juhainah, but part of that was simply the unleashing of his tempestuous power, his rage at my rejection. Juliette had felt a concussion, but his battle with the Ancient had been internal. A fight in a dreamscape would not cause a concussion.

He turned and reached out a hand, his fingertips caressing my cheekbones. “I feel, Aerinne. I feel too deeply. Mine is not the madness of indifference.”

“Then, please, promise me this. If you feel yourself approaching that edge again—come to me. Give me a chance to talk you away from the chasm. Just give me a chance.” I ignored that some might say I’d been the one to push him off this time. How would any reasonable person have expected me to respond?

The sympathy in his gaze morphed into pity and he spoke with Raniel’s voice. The voice I remembered as Raniel’s.

“Oh, my sweet halfling.” His hands cupped my face. “I am not your fault. I am not your cross to bear, and you cannot save me from myself. It’s better that you brace now, so when the inevitable happens, you have some chance to remain whole.”

He lowered his hands, studying me. “I offer this—be my killing hand.”

“What?” I almost stepped back. It was so unexpected.

“Stand between me and those you deem innocent. Be the hand that wields the blade, so I will never have cause to unleash.”

I knew what he was offering. Knew very well. He was offering to let me be a monster, albeit lesser, to protect the city from the true leviathan in the depths.

What did my House jokingly call me? The baby kraken?

Could I do it? Could I be the one to mete out a lesser death and punishment to those who stoked his fury, so we never had to deal with him unchecked again?

Or was this his clever chain? His way of binding me to him because he could not, after all, be certain of our bond? A chain of duty, a binding of blood—but others.

“You will turn me into a—” I was at a loss for words.

Sorrow in his eyes, in his soft voice. “I know. I know, Aerinne. But it is all I can offer you right now.”

I drew myself up, steel forming in my marrow. “If I am to be their executioner, Prince, then I will also be yours.”

His gaze caught mine, held it, then he inclined his head. “So be it.” His lips curved in a faint, cruel smile. “If you have the strength.”

I gave him a long, final look before turning on my heels. “Have no doubt, Prince—I have none. After all, I have so Vowed.”

Instead of entering the palace, I chose to traverse the garden paths until I found the courtyard.We have much more to talk about, but I need time.

There is time,Darkan said as I entered the waiting carriage and sat next to my father, who slid an arm around me and drew me against his side.Not much.But we have bought ourselves a little.

And Aerinne. . .do not think I’ve failed to notice you are withholding something from me. I allow you your secrets, for now. Learning to guard them will be good for you.

ChapterSix

---