Page 11 of Taming Hawke

Tears begin to fall down her cheeks and I try to rein in my anger. She finally looks up at me. “When you left, I was broken, Reece.”

“Hawke!” I say sternly.

“What?”

“I said, Hawke. Call me Hawke, Josie. I’m not Reece to you anymore.”

She sighs and twists her wet hair into a bun on top of her head, doing some fancy shit that makes it stay in place.

“Hawke,” she agrees and nods once. “Right. Well as I was saying, when you left I felt like I couldn’t go on. I know I cheated on you, Hawke, but you have to know I did it to get your attention. I didn’t matter to you anymore. The only thing that did was your club.” The word “club” spits out of her mouth like venom.

I push myself off the wall and get up in her face. “Don’t you dare try to blame me for your cheating, sweetheart. That shit’s on you,” I say pointing my finger in her face.

“I know that now,” she confides, reaching up and holding my finger, and I pull it away out of reach. “I was depressed,” she continues. “I couldn’t sleep, life was worthless to me, Hawke.” Tears continue to fall down her face. “So, one night I couldn’t take the pain anymore, and I went downtown where I knew dealers were selling on the streets. I took my first hit that night and frickin’ loved it. It took all the sadness away. I felt numb. All my pain vanished.”

She rubs her hands down her thighs and clasps them together in her lap. “Eventually, I lost my job. I started to turn up late to work, and left early so I could get my next hit. Until one day my boss called me into his office and fired me for my tardiness. That’s when I found Black Panthers. I was searching for a job in the newspaper, and there was an ad saying they were looking for dancers. I love to dance. When I was young, my mother sent me to dancing classes from the age of four. Well, not that kind of dancing, but it sure helped that I had experience. So, I auditioned and I got the job on the spot. The drugs give me the confidence to get my clothes off. And so here I am,” she says waving her arms around her bedroom.

“Josie, you need to stop the drugs. You don’t need them,” I say forcefully, kneeling in front of her. I scratch my scruffy jaw—I’ve let it grow out lately—and can’t for the life of me understand why I give a shit what Josie does with her own life. I guess this woman once meant something to me, so I can’t handle the fact she’s hurting herself. And the fact that I might be the one to blame doesn’t sit very well on me.

“You don’t know what I need, Hawke. You weren’t there. The drugs saved me. If I didn’t have them who knows what I would have done.”

I raise my eyebrows, not believing she honestly thinks the drugs are good for her.

“Josie, I’m only saying this because there was a time that I loved you.”

Josie closes her eyes, and tears roll down her face onto her trembling lips. I lean forward and swipe them away with my thumb. Her eyes snap open and I move my hand away, realizing I’m unconsciously touching her once again.

I get up from the floor. I need to get the fuck out of here.

“Where are you going?” Josie asks, looking frantic.

“I’m leaving,” I reply. “I’ve been here long enough, I have shit to do.”

She gets up off her bed and places her hands on her hips. “You have shit to do, or someone to do?”

No fucking way does she have the right to ask me that question.

“That’s none of your business, Josie. But if you must know. Yes, I have a woman, someone who loves me for me. She’s not trying to change me into someone that I’m not.”

Her face turns red, and before she can say another word, I growl, “Don’t. I got you home safe, now the rest is up to you, Josie. You need to get your life together, you’re better than that.” My phone vibrates and when I check it, it’s a message from Tracker letting me know he just dropped off my bike. Thank fuck! Great timing.

I give Josie one last stare, letting her know I’m serious, and then turn toward the doorway to her bedroom.

“Does she make you feel good, like I used to?” Her words have me coming to a standstill, and I rest one of my hands on the side of the door. I can hear her steps behind me, then her heat against my back. “Does she have you screaming out her name as you come deep inside of her?” she whispers against my ear. Her hands trail up my back and I sink my head forward, my body trying to fight with my screaming brain. “I can make you feel good again, Hawke. Just give me a chance to prove it to you.”

I shake my head. “No, Josie.” I walk into the hallway and turn to face her. “And yes, she does. I come so fucking hard that I don’t know where my cock begins and ends with her,” I state, then smile as I see her mouth gape open.

Turning around and heading to the front door, I slam it behind me and walk to my bike, pissed that I let her get to me. I need to keep my fucking distance. I helped her tonight, now it’s on her. I need to stop feeling guilty about her doing drugs. She said it was our breakup that drew her to it but that can’t be on me. I’m not to blame, she made her choices. With that decision made, I straddle my Harley and start up the engine, needing to be balls deep in my woman.

I ride fast to Luisa’s apartment, hoping to God she’s home and in bed waiting for me. She’s my everything, and I need to prove that to myself and her tonight.

---