Page 31 of Taming Hawke

“Lu, I miss you.”

And just like that a tear escapes. I quickly swipe it away.

“Babe, I love you,” he continues.

Rage fills me, my sadness easily replaced with anger. “You love me?” I cry out. “You. Love. Me?” I repeat the words, spitting them out like venom.

“Babe, I do.” Hawke reaches his hand over to mine, squeezing it.

“You sure have a funny way of showing it,” I reply and remove my hand from his.

Hawke runs a hand down the back of his neck and growls. “Fuck, I don’t know how to do this, Lu. You have to believe me, I never meant to hurt you. That kiss was nothing to me. I stopped it.”

“I don’t want to hear this, Hawke. I don’t want to hear the details of how your lips were on another woman, and not just some woman, your ex.”

“I know I fucked up. I do. I shouldn’t have been with her that night, but when I saw my ex-fiancée shooting up, I couldn’t just walk away. I had to see her home.”

“Wait, what?” I ask, surprised. “Did you just say your ex-fiancée?”

Hawke’s face changes when he realizes he may have just said a little too much, and I get up from my seat with every intention of walking away. But I’m stopped when he grabs my arm, keeping me still. Getting up from his seat, he grasps my shoulders, holding me captive. I can’t look at him. I keep my eyes focused on the floor as hurt and pain sweep through me. “Lu, please look at me.”

I slowly move my eyes up to meet his, glaring at him. I shove his hands off me, then pull my hand back and slap him hard across the face. Shock blankets his features, and I can feel my hand tingle with the hard contact of the hit. Angry tears roll down my cheeks and I roughly swipe them away. I won’t let him break me.

“You asshole. You were engaged and you never thought to tell me?” I cry.

Hawke’s hand covers his cheek, now turning a light shade of pink, and he clenches his jaw.

“Get out. Get out now!” I yell pointing to the front door of the shop. “I want you to leave, Hawke. Get out while I try and deal with all this.”

Hawke’s eyes plead with me but I ignore him. I can’t deal with this newfound information. Hawke was engaged before? He was going to marry her? I don’t know why it hurts so much to know that he was going to give himself in this way to another woman. Maybe because I know she could be the reason for him holding back from me.

“I’ll go,” Hawks says looking defeated. “But I won’t give up. I won’t give up on us, Lu. I may have been engaged before, but I’m so fucking glad I never married her, because the way I felt about her is nothing compared to how I feel about you. I love you, Lu. And if you can’t love me back after all this, then I don’t deserve you.”

He leans in and kisses the top of my head, then walks away from me. I stand there staring at the closed door he just slammed behind him, my heart sinking at the thought this may be the end of us.

“Uh, are you okay?”

I quickly wipe away my tears and turn to face Ricky, at the same time forcing a smile. “Sure, I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine,” Ricky states, his gaze running over my face.

“Just drop it.” When those unnecessarily harsh words leave my mouth, I instantly regret them. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to bark at you. I just need some space right now.”

Just as Ricky is about to respond, the door to the store opens again. This time it’s a customer. Saved by the bell. I smile at the elderly lady. “I’ll be right with you.”

Walking out toward the back of the store, I stare at myself in the mirror of the small staff bathroom. A sinking feeling within hits me hard. My mind travels back to Hawke’s words and I catch myself on another sob. I need to get out front. Pull yourself together Lu, at least till work is over.

I take in a huge breath, then dab my cheeks with some tissues and head out to my customer, determined to get through the rest of the day without any more tears.

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