Page 114 of Off Pitch

“It does matter,” she says, reaching out to touch me before she decides against it. “We wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for that. You deserve to get that contract.”

“I’m not sure I’m deserving of anything,” I admit.

“Knox, don’t let this get to you too much. I’m okay, I promise. Stop worrying about how I’m feeling and keep performing on the field. I’ll keep up my part of the deal, and you’re getting that contract.”

I gave her an out, and she’s still staying with me to do this. I can see the hurt on her face every time she sees me, yet she still shows up, determined to play the part she said she would.

I knew she’d do that. She’s strong and capable. There was no chance she wouldn’t continue our arrangement because she’s not a quitter.

So did I give Harlow an out for her sake…or mine?

Coffee with Harlow could have been better.

Could’ve been worse, too, but still could’ve been better.

I hate that talking to her in public is all I can get right now, but I’m grateful to getsomething. As difficult as this is, I’m thankful I still have her in my life.

Skip has us do our usual warmup routine around two before our Sunday night game. I might feel stretched and loose right now, but I don’t know how that will actually translate into the game tonight. I’m hoping for a better outing than I’ve been anticipating.

I’m walking through the hall on my way back to the clubhouse to relax before we need to get ready for the game. But I find Simon leaning against the wall, waiting for me.

“Simon,” I say as I walk up to him, a little less than gracious at the unexpected visit.

“I see we’re back to grumpy,” Simon says.

Pinching my brow, I say, “The last few days have been shit. Excuse me for not rolling out the red carpet for you.”

“Everything is going well. The media is still thrilled about all the pictures of you and Harlow together, which means Axis is very happy. That contract is all but a done deal at this point.”

“Fuck the contract,” I snap. “I don’t know if it’s worth my goddamn sanity.”

Simon crosses his arms. “What’s going on? When you emailed me last week, you said everything was still going very well.”

“It was until a few days ago. Now things have all but fallen apart.”

“You were just photographed getting coffee together this morning.”

“We’re still going through with what we agreed upon. But it’s all so fake now.”

Simon eyes me suspiciously. “It was always fake, Knox. This whole arrangement is fake.”

“Yeah,” I say with a derisive laugh. “Then you picked somebody whoactuallymakes me happy. I haven’t been faking that. All the smiles, the laughs you see in the tabloids? That’s all real, Simon.”

“That’s great, then. Maybe my client will stop being so difficult to work with.”

I roll my eyes. “It’s not fucking great. Hence the past few days being utter shit.” I lower my voice now. “I wasn’t supposed to start actually feeling something for her.”

“Jesus Christ,” Simon mutters, rubbing a hand over his forehead. “Look, I don’t care what you do with your personal life as long as it doesn’t impact your career. So we need to get this situated as soon as possible. Why is this an issue for you?”

“You, of all people, should know that. The entire situation with Emily was traumatic. Now, the first time I let myself get close to someone since that happened, the same feelings came. Harlow has barely spoken to me in days now because all the hurt that’s bubbling up is making me pull away.”

“So stop pulling away then,” he says dismissively, like it’s easy.

“Ah, thank you,” I say sarcastically. “Hadn’t thought of that.”

“Look, Knox. There’s nothing I can really tell you other than get your shit together and get that damn contract. If you start slipping now, everything you’ve been working toward disappears.”

“Great pep talk, Helbin.”

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