Page 107 of Off Pitch

But what I actually say is, “Yes,” my voice so weak it’s almost a whisper.

“Bull fucking shit.” She slides off the counter now, tears actually streaming down her face. “You’ve been fucking me for a month, and you still have the audacity to lie and say it feels fake to you?”

“I’m not lying.” I slide off my stool and turn to face her. “We both know this isn’t real. None of this was meant to be real, Lo.”

“Harlow.”

Now, I feel my own heart shattering. In less than five minutes, I’ve done enough damage to have the right to call her Lo taken away. The right to call her afriend.

“We just got too caught up in this, Harlow. We’re both playing parts, and we’re playing them well.” I reach out an arm to comfort her, but she shrugs me off.

“Don’t touch me.”

“I’m sorry, Harlow.” My own voice is breaking, barely even audible.

“I’m sure you are, Knox. I’m sure you are.” She wipes the tears from her eyes. “In all honesty, this is on me. We set the expectations for this at the beginning.” Her words come out more choked now. “You never asked me to fall for you.”

The words all but rip the shattered pieces of my heart right out of my chest.

Harlow… fell for me?

I sure as hell don’t deserve that.

She takes a deep breath and musters some composure. “Fake. That’s what this will continue to be. We agreed at the beginning that I’d beplaying the part-“ Her words come out like venom. “-of the doting girlfriend, so I’ll keep doing that. We said we would take a walk around The Battery tomorrow morning, and that’s exactly what we’ll do. I’ll meet you here at nine. In the meantime, I’m going to go. There’s no reason for me to be here right now.”

She turns on her heel and stalks out the door, sniffling as she goes.

And I know I just let the one true chance I had at finding real, unconditional happiness just walk out the door.

forty

Harlow

Harlow

Please tell me neither of you are busy right now

Lucia

Yeah, I’m not doing anything

Rory

Me either

Is everything okay, Lo?

Harlow

No

I’m hurting, and I’m sad, and I just really need my best friends right now

Lucia

Should we grab Ella, too?

Harlow

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