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“Yeah, that’s the sister I always remembered,” he chuckles before we say our goodbyes and hang up.

Tonight still sucks, but at least I’ll be able to distract myself now as I prepare for Cole’s interview.

Maybe I can spend a couple hours not thinking about Knox.

forty-one

Harlow

After the shittiest nightof sleep I’ve had in ages, I wake up Friday morning ready to just go back to bed. But seeing as I have to be with Knox and walk around The Battery, I have to get my ass up and plaster a fake ass smile on my face.

I decided to get ready for the day before I go meet him, so I don my favorite jeans and myPierceStars jersey because Knox isn’t getting the pleasure of seeing me in his, and I pull my hair up into a high pony. After applying a light bit of makeup to make it seem like my eyes aren’t all puffy from crying, I take the subway into Battery Park City to get this over with.

I only have to knock on Knox’s door once before he swings it open, looking far more disheveled than I expected. The bags under his eyes tell me he didn’t get much sleep, either.

“Harlow…” he says softly. “It’s good to see you.”

I roll that off. “Let’s just go, Knox. This doesn’t need to last longer than necessary.”

His shoulders slump at the words. Was he expecting me to just move on from everything he said yesterday? Or was he expectingmy feelings to be enough for me to welcome him back with open arms?

Either way, seeing him is already a stab in the chest. I can’t be around him too long, or the last fragile pieces of my heart will shatter entirely.

Knox and I are silent as we leave his building and walk to The Battery. We’ve been here multiple times since we first came all those months ago. That was the day that started me on this journey, falling heart-first for somebody who claims he doesn’t see me the same way.

The Battery always felt so warm and inviting. Now, it’s just cold and unappealing. The overcast sky doesn’t help, but I don’t think it has much impact on how I’m feeling right now.

As we walk through the entrance to the park, he severs the silence between us. “So, uh… how was your night, Harlow?”

“Shitty,” I scoff. “Thanks for asking.”

He sighs. “I’m sorry about how yesterday went down, Lo… Harlow.”

“I know you are, Knox,” I admit. “But I’m going to need time to get through all of this on my own.”

“I just don’t think I can take the thought of you hating me…” he says softly.

I close my eyes and let out a deep breath. “I don’t hate you. I don’t think I could ever hate you. But I’m hurt, and it’s going to take time to get past everything. It’ll take time before I can call you a friend again.”

He just nods his head in understanding, staring at the sidewalk under his feet.

We continue walking through the park, slowly traipsing along in the silence that consumes us again. For a Friday morning, the park is full of more people milling about than usual.

As we approach a group gathered around the base of a tree, I reach out and take Knox’s hand in mine. He gives me a look that’s a mix of surprise, understanding, and gratitude.

“I did say I’d play the part,” I say, my voice low. “This is all just part of the act.”

“Right…”

For someone who was adamant yesterday that this entire arrangement is fake, he sure seems downtrodden over the whole ordeal. Even before Knox regularly smiled, he never looked likethis.

He just seems so… sad.

And I hate that.

But I’m sad, too.

He can hate the situation we’re in now, but he should also realize we’re here because of the lies he’s telling himself, no matter how much he’s hurting from it, too.

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