Page 133 of Born of Ice

“No. Don’t try to make any excuses for me right now. I did what I was supposed to. Now, you don’t need me anymore.”

“Are you…are you breaking up with me?” My voice cracks mid-sentence as do his eyes when he finally looks up at me again, but the emotion quickly disappears, hiding behind one of those walls he used to have all around himself.

“Yes…” The newly formed ice, cracks again. But then he throws out, “Wait, no…I don’t know what I’m doing.” He throws his hands up and I swallow the tears that were about to burst free. “No, that’s a lie too. I know what I want but I don’t think I’ve ever given you the chance to think about what you want.” His voice sounds defeated and it breaks me. “I bulldozed my way into your life, demanding your love but never once asking if that was what you needed.”

I want to scream, to throw something at him, to kick him so hard all of the lose marbles set back in his head but once again, he doesn’t let me, already retreating back toward the front door.

“I’ll go back to the city. Give you some space away from me and I hope you have a safe flight. I’ll send all the details to your email shortly, okay?” He clears his throat. “Go get them, little star.” Exton gazes into my eyes one last time before a whiff of cold spring air fills the room, carrying him out.

And just like that he shuts the door behind himself all while I’m still standing here, wearing only a towel that does nothing to hide my once again broken heart.

I stare at the small screen of my phone, looking over the email that just dropped into my inbox.

Flight details:

BOS (Logan Intl.)–DEN (Denver Intl.)

4h 51m, nonstop.

12:05pm, Departure.

Carry on included.

1st checked back–paid.

He even paid for my checked bag. How nice of him. I keep staring at it until the letters turn blurry and I realize my eyes are rimmed with tears.

The house is coated in darkness I lived in not so long ago. It’s quiet and still and dead and the reminder of those times is a gut punch.

What was a warm and safe place just an hour ago no longer seems like a place I want to be.

But what do I want to be?

Is Exton right? Was he holding me back from going back to the life I knew?

I’ve spent four years preparing for that one moment, for that one path. We’ve practiced until there wasn’t a single dry spot on us, sacrificing more than one could imagine, always keeping our eyes on the prize. On that gold medal over our necks and now I’m looking the other way.

Now, I have something in my life I’m not sure I’m willing to sacrifice. But is that right?

I toss and turn the whole night, my mind running in every wild direction from pissed off to lost to desperate and finally determined.

He made his choice.

And I guess now I’ll make mine.

Time to pack a bag.

36

Game time

Exton

“Axe, mate, you arenot that young to go at it for the whole night before the game.” Abel wiggles his eyebrows suggestively but in answer he gets a sneer and a low growl instead of a clap on a back for his stupid joke and he visibly takes a step back from me. “Okay, not in the joking mood, I see,” he adds and goes back to taping his stick.

I do the same, all while feeling the tension coursing through our locker room, the eyes on my back that are stealing glances at me whenever they can, checking how soon I’ll blow up again.

They feel it. They feel my energy and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it. Neither do I want to.

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