Page 83 of Born of Ice

He understands me on some other level, one I didn’t dare to wade into before tonight. Didn’t dare to even hope to peek inside, but after what we just shared, after his admissions, the door is wide open and if I thought I was scared to look into here before, now that I’ve seen it, I’m even more terrified.

Because I don’t see a parallel road to mine, I see one so intertwined you can barely tell us apart. His darkness is dancing with mine, so it’s not lonely. His soul is holding mine, so it doesn’t slip away. His warmth keeps my chill away. It’s my will that strangles his anger. My desperation is his personal beacon, his grounding. And there’s more.

So much that the deeper I peer into it, the scarier it gets. The farther I look, the more I realize what I shared with Erik—a person whom I thought I loved beyond reason—was a farce. A glimmering, shiny zirconia instead of the diamond I’m now holding.

It’s not a perfectly cut one. Not pure and light. It’s raw, somewhat black, and sharp but it’s the perfect shape for my shattered soul.

The most outrageous thought crosses my mind. If I do walk…he’ll leave. His mission here will be over, and he’ll leave.

And then I’m disgusted with myself for even entertaining a thought like that. How selfish am I? But…just what am I supposed to do without him? How am I to survive when he is the only one who makes me alive.

When he’s the only one stubborn enough to force that life into me.

“Tell me.” The soft demand comes out of nowhere, breaking through my racing thoughts.

“Tell you what?”

“Tell me why the words ‘trust me’ trigger you. Let me in.” My whole body instantly tenses but Exton is just as quick, brushing my hair off my back and pressing his lips to the back of my neck. I arch into him like a lost lamb, seeking comfort knowing exactly where it now exists, and words just spill out of me.

“Because trust was ruined for me, and now it doesn’t come easy.”

“Who? Who did this to you?”

I swallow. “You already know, don’t you? Or you have your guesses.”

This time it’s Exton who tenses up as he grits out, “I need to hear you say it. I need to hear what exactly happened. I need to know for what exactly I will spill his blood on that ice.”

His words send a chill over my warm body, but I quickly realize it’s not one of fear. No, it’s one of fire, of all of that balled up anger I’ve been stuffing deep inside, hiding it from the light. Hiding my own dark, murderous thoughts because Elle Monroe doesn’t think like that.

She’s light and sweet.

Only I failed to admit that she reallydid die. Not until Exton’s words slipped past his lips did it hit me, and I unleashed them. I revel in them. Ifeelthem.

“Give it to me, lay it on me. I’ll take your hurt, Electra. I’ll take it all.” He leans in, placing his lips on the thundering pulse in my neck.

I don’t talk about that day. I don’t allow Stella to talk about it, but I know if I were to give that same ultimatum to Exton, he would not only keep going but push on the bleeding wound even more, bleeding it until every ounce of infection spilled out. And I know I would hurt him. I would hurt him by denying him an entry to my soul when all he wants is to sew up the carved-out flesh.

“That day was supposed to be one of the happiest of my life.” I swallow the lump in my throat, lean into his warmth and give it all to him.

I hurt with him.

23

You

Exton

I thought nothing couldhurt me more than what my father already did to me when I was growing up, but I couldn’t be more wrong because with every word, every memory of that day and the ones that followed afterward, my heart sinks into that ice she’s lived in for months.

She woke up that day knowing she had it all only to end it with him betraying her in more ways than I thought possible. He took her trust, her love and crushed it. Used it to fuel his desire for fame and money. He threw away the best thing that could ever happen to him, because she was no longer the milking cow, he needed her to be.

And here I was, feeling slightly bad about what I’ve done a few weeks ago.No…I haven’t done enough then.Not nearly fucking enough. But that’s okay, not all is lost that can be caught again and I love me a good chase.

But not now, not when she needs me to pull her out of her own hurt, and I squeeze her body tighter into mine. She needs me. I can feel it.

Maybe not forever, maybe just until she heals all of herself and realizes what a mess I really am, but I will greedily take whatever crumbs she throws my way. I will be here until the day she kicks me out. Physically. Because I know my heart will never leave.

The water is lukewarm at best, and our skin is about to peel off from how long we’ve been here, but I couldn’t bring myself to get up, to break this connection we had. To wake her from her peaceful sleep on my chest.

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