Page 16 of Vengeful Sins

Disconnect. You’re not here. Nothing is happening. It’s my own voice in my head, barking orders at me, breaking through the laughter and taunting coming from the girls.

But it helps, allowing me to relax a little. I no longer smell the bathroom, the air freshener meant to cover up the odor but only adding to the nastiness. I don’t feel the tile floor underneath me, and it doesn’t matter how many people have walked over it today while my hair fans out over it. I can take a shower. I can wash my clothes.

“You know, you don’t have a bad body. You’d look good if you knew how to dress.” It’s the closest thing to a compliment Tiana has ever given me, though I know better than to think it’s sincere. “I think I would like to see more of it, in fact.”

Disconnect. You’re not here. You feel nothing.The harder I fight, the worse this is going to be. All I can do is focus on my breathing, keeping it slow and steady while the girls laugh and taunt and lift my T-shirt up to my chest, over my boobs.

“What? Are you gonna cry?” Tiana asks before bending at the waist, grabbing my bra and yanking it upward so I’m exposed. “Look at you. Look what a pathetic slut you are,” she sneers.

I don’t know why she’s doing this. I don’t know who she’s talking about. What brought all of this on—it’s still a mystery.That doesn’t keep my skin from flushing or my nipples from going hard in the cool air.

“I think she likes this,” one of the girl’s jeers.

“Of course she does,” Tiana replies with a hate-filled snarl as she stands over me. “Let’s let everybody know how much fun she’s having.”

No. Not this. She is not pulling out her phone, intending to take a picture of me like this. Pinned to the floor with my boobs hanging out.

But that’s exactly what she does. “Smile,” she croons before she bursts out laughing. “My contact list is going to love this. You’re gonna be a star,” she predicts, her thumbs flying over her screen. If I was capable of feeling things, I would die of humiliation.

Let her laugh. Let them all laugh. They’ll only laugh harder if I threaten or beg or fight.Go away. This isn’t happening. You’re safe.The thought helps me keep from losing control in the face of their cruelty. It’s the only thing that can at a time like this, outnumbered and hated so deeply.

After everything that’s happened in the past few minutes, panic only really threatens to take hold of me once Tiana slowly lowers herself into a crouch by my side. Her gaze moves over me from head to toe and back again before her lips curve in a nasty smile. “Nice rack. A shame it belongs to a disgusting cunt like you.”

Then she takes hold of my jaw again, squeezing until pained tears spring to my eyes. “Leave Tucker the fuck alone,” she warns, snarling through her bared teeth. “Trust me. It will get a hell of a lot worse than this. This will seem like a fun little girls day compared to what I can do to you. Got it?”

She shoves my face away from her, turning my head to the side before her spit hits my chest. My skin crawls with revulsionas the girls stand, snickering, laughing softly on their way to the door.

Only once it closes do I slowly sit up, shaking, straightening out my clothes. I feel soiled, used, but still, there’s a numbness around me that won’t allow any actual feeling to soak through.

Thank god. Because if I could feel this, it might kill me. I might start crying and never be able to stop. The tears would drown me, the emotion would pull me under and drag me deeper and deeper into the abyss.

No, instead, there’s nothing but the unwelcome pressure in my head which quickly spreads through the rest of my body as I wash Tiana’s spit off my chest. Maybe the abyss would be better than this. Looking into my reflected gaze and feeling nothing but a growing desperation to escape. To get rid of everything boiling in me, surging, threatening to explode. I can’t take it. I can’t.

That desperation makes me notice my earrings gleaming slightly when I turn my head. Rather than flee the bathroom, I go back into the stall I just used and lean against the closed door without taking the time to lock it. There is no time when I’m too busy taking out one of my earrings and pulling down my jeans.

It takes more pressure to break the skin using the earring post, but the effect is worth it. Once the familiar sting registers on my numb consciousness, I sigh, slumping a little as tension flows out of me. My chest feels a little looser now and gets better as I drag the post across my thigh. I can breathe.

For now.

9

TUCKER

The last thing I need this afternoon is Carter up my ass, but that’s exactly where he decides to wedge himself, jogging to catch up to me on my way out of my Lit class. “Where the fuck were you at lunchtime?” he asks, falling in step beside me and combing his hair back with his fingers.

“You know, you could just come out and admit you miss me when I’m not around.” It’s not easy to joke around today. I don’t believe my own light, sarcastic tone. It’s empty—flat.

He doesn’t notice. Sometimes, I really wish I could be more like him, then again, I pretend all the time. Maybe he does, too.

I’m not going to come out and tell him I couldn’t stand the idea of seeing anybody today after the shit that went down last night. I still cringe when I think about letting Maya’s name slip out of my mouth. My skin crawls, and a cold sweat prickles the back of my neck. It was fucking embarrassing. Weak.

I was kind of hoping to avoid seeing any of my friends today, hence not being around for lunch. I only showed up on campus because I knew Dad would give me shit if I didn’t. Once again, I can’t make it look like I get any kind of special treatment becausehe is who he is. Class attendance still matters. Maybe even more so in my case, thanks to the scrutiny he always has me under.

“I slept through my alarm,” I lie. Yes, I was in bed longer than I should’ve been, but I wasn’t asleep. How could I sleep with so many memories rolling through my head like a movie replaying all the most awkward, regrettable moments of my life? And unlike a movie, I couldn’t pick up a control and push the stop button or even mute the sound. In fact, the harder I tried, the more impossible it was to ignore.

“And there I was, thinking you wouldn’t have any fun last night. It sounds like you had too much fun—if there is such a thing.” He’s feeling pretty full of himself today, obviously. All smiles as we leave the building and step out into a sun-drenched afternoon.

“Yeah, it was a good time,” I grunt. It would be great if he’d drop this, but I know better than to think he will.

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