Page 46 of Ruling Destiny

“I—I was thinking about Song and this strange leather-bound book I once saw in her room. Do you know anything about it?”

Braxton shakes his head, playing it cool. And though I want to tell him everything—about the perfume, the note, my suspicions about Freya—when I see how quickly he abandons his goblet so he can use his free hand to spin that gold signet ring around and around, that small, insistent voice in my head warns me to stop.

Instead, I just say, “I guess I keep putting myself in Song’s place, and if it were me who went missing, I hope someone would at least try to find me.”

There’s a flicker in Braxton’s eyes, but I’m not sure if it originated with him or if it’s a result of the candlelight. “It’s never going to happen to you,” he says. “But, for the sake of this conversation, if it did happen, I’d dedicate the rest of my life to bringing you back.”

Before I can stop myself, I say, “But would you?”

Braxton jerks back, like I just threw my drink in his face. “Tasha—” he says, his voice strained, his gaze as turbulent as I’ve ever seen. “You’re not serious—are you?”

I rub my lips together, drop my gaze to my lap.Here it is—the port of now or never. And since I’m the one who steered us into this harbor, I may as well throw down an anchor.

“I guess I’m just wondering…” My fingers nervously pick at the edge of my napkin. “How would you even go about it? I mean, unless you and I were on the same Trip, you wouldn’t even know where to look. And even then—”

My breath catches. Braxton leans back in his seat, as though needing to put some distance between us. “Even then?” His features pinch tight, his shoulders tense, and when he starts to reach for his gold signet ring, he catches my eye and tugs on his shirtsleeves instead.

I shake my head, lift a hand to my talisman, pressing my finger into the bend. I’m being ridiculous. Killian’s gotten into my head. Managing to sway me just enough to drive a wedge between Braxton and me, which is clearly what Killian intended.

It’s not like Braxton and I haven’t danced this waltz before. And yet, here I am, dragging him out for another spin around the dance floor, hoping that this time when he denies leaving Killian behind, I can believe him—that I can know in my heart he’s telling the truth.

“Maybe I’m just being paranoid,” I say. “Now that I actually know people it’s happened to—it’s freaking me out.”

I cast a cautious gaze Braxton’s way, trying to gauge his reaction. Only to watch as his brow slants and his lips press together so tightly, they practically vanish.

“People?” he says, his fingers returning to his gold signet ring. “Don’t you meanperson?” There’s a twitch in his jaw that’s impossible to miss. “Unless, of course, in addition to Song, you were referring to Killian.”

28

The words hang so heavy between us, I can’t bring myself to reply.

“Every Trip is a risk,” Braxton says. Abandoning his ring, he reaches for his goblet again. “And I’m afraid I know this firsthand, having once taken a Trip where things went so sideways, I had no choice but to return on my own.”

A shot of adrenaline races through me. A film of sweat spreads over my skin.My mind is a whirl of thoughts that sound as insistently as my own heartbeat.He’s admitting it! It really is his fault that Killian was stranded in time.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before,” Braxton says. “It’s something I don’t like to talk about…” He runs his index finger along the rim of his wineglass. “And yet, I know in my heart I was left with no choice.”

I gape at him wide-eyed, struggling not to voice the first thing that pops into my mind:Oh, but there’s always a choice, isn’t there?

“It’s one of the reasons I still visit Dr. Lucy.” He shoots me a look that practically begs my forgiveness. “And, as you’ve probably guessed, it’s the subject of all my nightmares. I was with a new Tripper, and—”

“Wait—” I say, unable to contain my surprise. “AnewTripper?”

Then it can’t be Killian. He’s older than Braxton, and he’s been at Gray Wolf longer.

Braxton dips his chin as though he can’t bear for me to look at him. “Things went off the rails, and…” He sighs, rakes a quick hand through his hair. “Sometimes you have no choice but to do the wrong thing for all the right reasons.”

He’s visibly shaken. Like when he wakes from one of his night terrors. And my chest tightens, my shoulders tense, when I realize I’m responsible for leading him here.

“I’m sorry,” I say, hoping he hears the regret in my voice, sees the remorse in my eyes. “I can’t even imagine how hard that must’ve been.”

Braxton dismisses it and takes another sip of his wine.

A moment later, the waiter reappears, and the way he studies my face as he goes about exchanging our plates leaves me to wonder if he lives over on Killian’s preferred side of Gray Wolf. And if so, is it possible he saw me at the Hideaway Tavern?

By the time he’s gone, I’ve worked myself into such a panicked state that Braxton leans across the table and asks, “Hey there—you okay?”

I glance at the fountain, wondering just how much the waiter might know. Then I turn my gaze away, force a curt nod, and dig into my food.

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