Page 48 of Meet Me in the Blue

He leaned over and brushed a soft kiss across my lips. “I didn’t think we’d ever get here.”

“Promise to tell me how you feel from now on,” I said and grazed a finger across his cheek. “And I’ll do the same.”

“I can try. But it’s hard breaking habits. I have a lot of experience hiding how I feel from you.”

“I’m sorry you never felt like you could tell me.”

“I knew I could tell you, and if you didn’t feel the same, you’d have been kind about it. You wouldn’t have let it ruin our friendship, but I was terrified I would, and I almost did. These past five years, I was such an idiot.”

“I know.” I smiled and pulled him into a hug, Maribelle groaning as her head slipped from our laps. “But we’re not going backward, remember. What’s done is done.”

Holding my face in his hands, he kissed me with reverent lips, long and deep, igniting the dormant flame inside me, and I was alive with it. Awake, that gray ocean dissipating into the thick air as Luka’s teeth sank into my bottom lip.

“I don’t want to face this day,” he whispered, and we were nose to nose, his forehead pressed to mine.

“I won’t leave your side.”

“Promise?”

I heard the click of his throat as he swallowed, felt the heat of his hand on the back of my neck.

“I promise.”

It was barely seven when we walked into Luka’s house. His mom and sister were already up and making tea in the kitchen, though the stark circles under their eyes made me think they hadn’t gotten much sleep either. Guilt pinched at my chest as his mom gave me a sad smile.

“I’m glad you’re here,” she said, and I hugged her.

She didn’t cry, just squeezed me tight like I was the one who needed the comfort. My eyes might have started to burn. “Eliza, God.”

“He was an amazing person,” she said, her voice too calm. Too steady as she released me from her embrace. “He didn’t deserve to have his life cut this short.”

“No, he didn’t.” Luka pulled his mom into his arms, and her shoulders started to shake. Nora looked away, her glassy brown eyes overflowing. “I’m sorry I left last night… I needed—”

“Don’t be.” His mom wiped his cheeks, and then her own. “You did what you had to do.”

“Are you okay?” Nora asked, and Luka nodded.

“I mean, no, but yeah.” He looked at me and his lips twitched as he took my hand. “I think I will be.”

“He’s not suffering anymore.” Eliza stared at the empty hospice bed. “He had a good day…went on his own terms… He—” She cleared her throat, tucking her hair behind her ears. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to use the bathroom.”

His mom left the kitchen as the tea kettle on the stove started to whistle. Nora stood stock still, and Luka stared at it like he’d never seen the thing before. I let go of his hand and removed the kettle from the heat. I opened the cabinet, grabbing Nora’s favorite lavender tea, and Eliza’s Earl Grey. I set the bags in the mugs already waiting on the counter and poured the hot water. I moved around the kitchen like it was my own, in some ways it was, and pulled out the creamer from the fridge and the sugar from the rack above the stove. I moved around the bodies in the room like they were ghosts—watching me—the silence overbearing, quelled only by the soft thud of a cabinet door closing and the brusque slide of the silverware drawer as it opened.

“I can’t remember if you like sugar in your tea?” I asked Nora and she sucked in a breath like I’d broken her from a trance.

“Um… yeah. Thanks.”

I stirred in a few teaspoons and handed her the mug. She set it on the counter and tackled me into a hug. Big, wet sobs cracked through her chest, and I stared over her shoulder at her brother who was on the verge of falling apart himself. For a second, I felt like I didn’t have the right to be there, like I shouldn’t have come at all, like maybe I was some strange voyeur to all this heartache that didn’t truly belong to me. But then Luka linked his arms around the both of us, and we all cried for the man who had been a father to us all.

• ••

For the first few days after Isaac died, I’d stayed with Luka as I’d promised. Maribelle was all too happy to serve as the happy distraction, while my folks helped keep everyone fed. Nora and I cleaned while Luka and my dad helped Eliza with the funeral arrangements. There wasn’t much for them to do since his dad had already set up most of it when he first got sick. Which I thought must have been a terrible thing to have to think about on top of a cancer diagnosis. It put into perspective how fleeting everything could be. One minute you’re making meatloaf, and the next you’re planning your own funeral.

Every day had been the same as the one before, long and hard fought, all of us floating around one another. The nights were worse. I could hear Eliza crying through her bedroom door, and Nora disappeared inside the photo albums that had been left out on the coffee table downstairs. Luka was in his own world too. During the day, he’d leave for an hour or so with his camera, no doubt losing himself behind his lens somewhere in the murky light of the forest, and at night, once we were alone, he’d allow himself to break down. Every day I told myself it wasn’t too much to bear. Luka was my family. But I couldn’t deny the slight relief it had given when my cell phone rang around eleven Sunday night. One of my patients had gone into labor, and I’d just ended the call with the hospital when Luka walked into the bedroom with a towel tied around his waist. I didn’t want to leave, but I thought maybe a break could be good for the both of us. He needed space to think, and maybe I did too.

He gave me a quiet smile as he rubbed another towel through his hair. I watched the rivulets of water drip down the planes of his chest and abs, each drop taking a leisurely stroll along his skin until they disappeared in the soft trail of hair below his belly button. My body heated and I averted my eyes.

“Everything okay?” he asked, and I pushed my phone into my back pocket.

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