Page 18 of Meet Me in the Blue

“I wasted time. I should have come home.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. I got to visit you in Los Angeles.” Dad attempted to waggle his brows, a lopsided smirk on his lips. “Got to see the Hollywood sign. Got to see you in your element.”

“It’s not enough.”

“It has to be, Luka. This is what we have. And maybe I shouldn’t have told you to stay. I hid a lot from you. I guess I hoped it would get better.”

“Nora knew. I should’ve known too. I’m sorry.” I stood and sat on the edge of his bed, running my fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes. “I should’ve been a better son.”

He grabbed my wrist, his fingers like thin reeds as they shook. “Stop feeling sorry for yourself. I love you, Luka. I love how passionate you are, how even though you weren’t here, you were. All the photos you sent, every time I’d hear the joy in your voice about something you were working on… it helped. It was better than the treatment. You and Nora are different. She hovers like a helicopter. It’s her way. It makes her feel necessary. But you… you’re like the sun, I can feel you from millions of miles away.” He let go of my wrists and I threaded our hands together. My lashes were wet, my eyes stinging as he continued. “I just want you to be happy. I want you to be you, and I’m sorry if I ever pressured you to be something you’re not.”

“You didn’t,” I said, trying like hell to speak through the thickness in my throat. I wasn’t being completely honest, but it didn’t matter. He wanted me to be happy, and back then he thought he knew what was best for me. “Okay… maybe you did, just a little.” We laughed and I wiped at my eyes with my free hand. “But I figure it’s a parent thing, right?”

“I’m proud of you,” he said after he caught his breath. “I always have been. My only wish is that you could be proud of yourself too.”

I breathed through the growing discomfort in my chest. There was no way I could grant that wish. He didn’t know how much I struggled in California, that most of the photography jobs I’d had barely paid the rent, and that I’d had to work at two restaurants to get by. He didn’t know I’d messed up everything with Rook. I was a fuck up on all accounts, except for one. I loved him too much to tell him the truth.

“I’m proud, Dad.” He sighed and I gently squeezed his hand. “What? I am. I promise. I interviewed today for a job at the paper. If I get it, I’ll get to work with one of their top journalists.” For a town this small,The Harbor Heraldwas as prestigious as it gets. I dug deep and gave him a smile. “It would be an amazing start.”

“That’s good, son…” He yawned, his eyes fluttering shut. “That’s really good.”

I stood, hesitating, watching him breathe in and out, in and out before I let go of his hand and bent over to kiss his clammy forehead. “Love you.”

Mom and Nora were working on dinner when I walked into the kitchen. “Can I help?”

“I think we have it handled.” Mom kissed my cheek and Nora snorted.

“That’s code for, get the hell out before you burn something.”

“I do not burn… everything. Only some things.”

Nora grinned at me over her shoulder as she sautéed onions in a pan. “Oh, the lies we tell…”

“Don’t you have an apartment in Seattle you have to get home to?” I picked up a grape tomato from the large salad bowl on the counter and popped it into my mouth, chuckling when she scowled at me. “I’m kidding. I love having you here, making fun of me. It’s my favorite.”

“Stop it, you two.” Mom pointed a wooden spoon in my direction. “And you. What’s going on with Rook? Natalie told me today you two had lunch, and he came back to the office upset. What did you do?”

“Why is it something I did? Maybe he had… indigestion?” I shrugged, eating another tomato before she smacked my hand.

“Luka…” My mom exhaled and grabbed the salad bowl, sticking it into the refrigerator. “Something is not right between you two. I noticed it the other day. I’m surprised he’s not here, trying to steal tomatoes too. You were inseparable. Last time I checked, things were good. At least that’s what you’ve told me whenever I called.”

“Life, Mom. It happens.”

Nora coughed muttering something under her breath about stubborn idiots.

“Life happens?” Mom sounded like she wanted to hit me. I cringed when she turned in my direction again. She poked me in the chest. “You and that boy are soulmates. Whatever’s broken, fix it. You only get so many chances in life.” She stared out toward the living room, her throat bobbing. “I’ve known you both since you were little boys with Kool-Aid-stained lips and grass stains on your knees. He loves you.”

“That’s what I’ve been saying for years,” Nora said, throwing her hands into the air. “Thank you.”

Taking a steadying breath, I sat down on the barstool. “Rook is straight and has always been straight, that’s not going to change. We’re friends.” Or we used to be.

“And I don’t care about whatever sexuality is what. Sometimes love is just love.” Mom nodded like she’d said the most profound thing ever. Nora covered her smile with her hand.

“Did you get that from the queer section at the Hallmark store?” I tapped my lip. “Wait, is there a queer section?”

She narrowed her eyes, that wooden spoon in her hand again. This time she actually hit me. Once on the shoulder and then again on my ass. “Ouch, what the fu—”

“Luka.” She hit me again and Nora cracked up.

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