Page 26 of Dear Mr. Brody

A wild, anxious laugh pushed its way past the lump in my throat. “No... I’m not dying, Liv… I’m bisexual.”

“W-what?”

I glanced at her for a second, taking my eyes off the road. She didn’t seem disgusted. Or angry. Shocked was more like it.

“I mean… at least, I think I am.”

“Have you ever—”

“Been with a guy? No. I’ve only been with Lanie… but…” I stared straight ahead. Mostly to make sure we didn’t rear end anyone, but also because I couldn’t look at her. My nerves were too raw for anything other than an accepting expression. “I’ve always been attracted to guys. I’ve known since middle school, but once I met Lanie, I didn’t think it mattered anymore.”

“Of course, it matters.” she said, speaking softly. Olive had put on her therapist hat, and it made me smile. “God, Van. You’ve been carrying this around that long?”

“It’s not like it was a burden. I was happy with Lanie… until I wasn’t.” The trees whistled by, creating a long stretch of calming green as the silence settled inside the car. I let a few minutes pass, let Olive digest what I’d told her before I spoke again. “If I met a woman tomorrow and she was amazing, I wouldn’t hesitate to date her. I haven’t been living a lie or anything. I like women. But I’m attracted to men too. And I want to explore that even if it scares the shit out of me.”

“What are you scared about?”

“Everything. Being judged, losing Mom and Dad, not knowing how to navigate the whole dating scene.” I huffed out a laugh. “I set up a profile on a gay dating app.”

“Shut up, you did not,” she gasped, pushing my shoulder hard enough I swerved.

“You’re going to get us killed.”

“Have you met anyone yet?”

I didn’t want to say yes. But I needed all the help I could get.

“Yeah… but it’s very new, and he’s very young and I’m not sure it will turn into anything more than chatting.”

“How young?”

“He’ll be twenty-four on Wednesday, actually.”

“My baby brother is a bisexual cougar.” she teased, and the last bit of anxiety I had lifted. “Wow.”

“You’re okay with all of this?”

“Why wouldn’t I be? And don’t worry about Owen, he won’t care at all. Shane is gay.”

“His roommate?” I asked. “Since when?”

“Since always…”

“Huh… Owen never tells me anything anymore,” I said, feeling more relieved by the minute. “What about our parents? Do you think they’ll freak out?”

“I’ve never heard them say anything homophobic.” She turned to look out the window. “But you never know with them… they still love me, and I’m a hot mess. So that’s a good sign. Besides, being bisexual isn’t a bad thing, you can’t help who you’re attracted to.”

“I know that… and you’re not a hot mess, by the way,” I assured her as I turned into my driveway. “But you’re right… they’ve always been supportive. I don’t know. I guess we’ll see.”

“Are you going to tell them tonight?” she asked, and I turned off the engine.

Maybe I should rip the Band-Aid off, quick and easy. The thought didn’t sit right, though. It shouldn’t have to be this big announcement over steak and mashed potatoes. I’d tell them when I actually started dating a guy.

“Nah… I’m not ready yet.”

“Can I tell Owen?”

“Fuck, no.” She laughed at my outburst. “You’re such an ass.”

---