Page 41 of Possession

I lowered my mouth to hers again and let the ache snap at the flesh of her lips. Her moan increased the drive as I inhaled her and pulled her closer…too close… until I lifted my body over hers and braced myself with my hands on either side of her head. She whispered my name, and without thinking, I pressed against her seeking relief. Wound up and hard, the friction nearly set me off. She gasped and I pulled away rolling onto my side to face her. I’d gone too far. Paige’s cheeks were crimson as she panted through each breath.

“Why’d you pull away?” she asked and raised her fingertips to my mouth tracing a line across my bottom lip. “Tell me what’s going on in your head, Declan, you look… sad.”

I lay down on the pillow, removing myself from the temptation. She moved with me, resting her cheek against the right side of my chest and placed her hand on the left. I covered her hand with mine and draped my right arm over her hip keeping her tight against me as I spoke, “I don’t want to push you.”

“You’re not.” Her voice rumbled in my ribcage.

Paige’s jeans were a size too big and, as I ran my fingers along her hip, her sweater began to rise up. Her skin prickled under my touch and I followed a path to her bottom rib.

You can feel her bones.

You’ll break her.

The image from my nightmare, my fear, the blood and gore, flashed behind my eyes. My breathing increased and she noticed.

“You’re not pushing me, Declan, I chose to come over here.” She made a move to lift her body from mine, but I held her tighter. I didn’t want to see her face when I told her what I was about to say.

“I have this nightmare, where you’re naked and all I can feel is the pull to be inside you, but each time I take a step toward you…” I swallowed past the thick silence between us, “Your ribs pierce through your skin and you bleed out right in front of my eyes.”

I felt her lips quiver against my chest. “I bleed out?” she asked quietly, tentatively.

“My head’s a fucking horror show.”

“Don’t be afraid of me,” she said as she wiggled out of my hold and leaned up on her elbow.

“I’m not.”

Her brows furrowed as she scanned my face, as if she could feel the lie, and after a moment, she shook her head. “You are, that’s what the dream is about. I hurt you, Declan… and maybe it’s your head’s way of telling you to be careful.”

She was the one who needed to be careful, it’d always been that way. My sickness could turn on me. I’d be a monster without meds.

“I just don’t want to rush this. I haven’t been with anyone since you… and maybe—”

“You haven’t?” The set of her mouth was skeptical.

I ran my hand down her arm. “No, not really. I’ve kissed a few girls, but nothing ever panned out.”

Nothing ever compared.

She dropped her gaze and the color left her cheeks. “You really have been so alone.”

It drove me fucking crazy thinking about her with another man, thinking about her trying to givehima child, thinking about what he’d done to make her so timid. From the little she’d shared with me, he’d been a prick, and as much as being isolated from others, from touch, almost brought me to the edge of my sanity, I somehow think I’d had the better life.

“It was better that way for me, no one would ever understand me.” I tugged at her hand and she lifted her chin. “No looking back, right?” I gave her a sideways smile, and she exhaled an unsteady breath.

Paige’s eyes gleamed as she met my stare. “I let him have my body because it was all I had to offer him. I was the sinner, and he just took what he wanted, justifying it by saying it was my place as his wife.”My jaw clenched and fury clouded my vision. She placed her left palm on my chest as I sat up. “Listen.” Her voice was a calm, pale green. “I want you to know, you need to know, I never really wanted to have his child. And even though I struggle between my own salvation and whether or not I think God, or whoever is up there, has forgiven me, I thank him every day that I never got pregnant.”

It was selfish, but I was thankful, too.

She shed one tear and I watched as it dripped down her cheek.

“I’m not looking back, Declan, all I want is to move forward, and I needed you to know I never stopped loving you, and being here with you again, it’s the absolution I’ve been begging for since the day my father sent you away.”

My heart punched out loud, rushed beats and trapped itself inside my throat. I needed to hear her say it, to hear her say she still loved me. I’d been without feeling for years. I’d caged it inside of my head, let the voices coil any emotion I’d had into knotted branches of self-loathing.

“When I said you were poison, at the time I meant it. I meant it because I never stopped loving you, but I’d let myself, let my sickness turn what we had into something twisted. Since you’ve been back, the voices, they’ve diminished. My meds, they’ve been working, but it’s you, Paige… you’re the remedy and you always have been.”

Her lips parted with a faint breath, and I leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. She closed her eyes, and I kissed her wet lashes first, her forehead, and then her mouth. My fingers held her at the nape of her neck and my thumbs found their place along her jaw. She opened up to me. This kiss wasn’t about physical need. This kiss was an affirmation.

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