Page 29 of Possession

It was as it should’ve been.

It was as if God had finally heard the call, and our prayers had finally been answered.

The tree branches were intricate, and the odor of fresh paint might’ve been undetectable to others, but as I stood just a breath away from the perfection of the painting, I could smell it. The sharp scent tickled my nose and the pain, it was everywhere. It was in each brush stroke, each dark color. I stepped backward and the sullen tree branches blossomed in front of me in a wide panoramic. The eyes that watched me from the canvas were now surrounded by wintered bark. The branches and twigs jutted out in every direction. It had been winter the first time Declan had come to my home, and I wished he was here now so I could ask him if this was, in fact, the tree line of my parents’ house, if he still cherished the old days like me. I wished so much to go back to that day. A simpler time.

I brought my hands to my lips and sucked in a deep breath. I felt him. The tingle of his lips, and his beard, it was new to me, but I could feel it like I’d always known this man, like he was a part of me, like I had no other choice but to find him, be near him.

“Paige, it’s time to go.” Luca stared at me with annoyance. I only worked with her every once in a while. She was part-time like me so I rarely saw her.

“I’ll be right there,” I said with as much civility as I could muster. I wanted to stay.

Three days had gone by since our small armistice inside the church, and I still hadn’t seen him here. But Declan’s painting continued to get more detailed, and I wondered if he came afterhours to avoid me. When I’d checked the rental log earlier, I’d noticed that Chandler had booked Declan another week. According to the log, Declan had paid cash, up front. The idea of sneaking back to the shop later was risky, and my throat was tight just thinking about it as I tried to swallow.

I wanted to see him again, talk to him, but I wasn’t ready to stroll into Avenues Ink to do so. Lana had said she’d go with me, she’d just book another tattoo and I could go with her. It would all be very innocent andoh shucks, fancy seeing you here. It would be fake, and the last thing Declan and I needed was a façade to hide behind. I was glad to see he still came here each night and poured his heart, his thoughts onto canvas. I was intruding on something very private every time I’d take a sneak peek to see if he’d been here the night prior. This seemed to be his sanctuary, and I worried I’d been wrong to step foot in his place of peace. But seeing each new brush stroke, each new color, the painting was drawing us closer. I nodded my head as I came to terms with my decision to come back tonight in hopes that he would be here.

“I was about to lock you in.” Luca’s face was dead serious. “But I remembered you have the stupid keys.”

Luca didn’t talk much and, if anything, it was her only good quality. She was stunning though. Tall with long, silky blonde hair, artsy black-rimmed glasses, and a personality as cold and dull as the color of steel. She was waiting for me by the front door as I walked out of the studio. I grabbed my bag and gave her an apologetic smile as she glared at me while pushing open the shop door.

The night air was dry and cool, and I wished I lived closer so I could walk home. There was a certain fragrance to the shift in seasons. When summer still clung tight to the soil, but winter begged to differ. It was a mixture that created such vivid colors on the mountainside, as the leaves turned over their last breath to the changing weather. When I used to paint, it was always in warm, earth tones, and Declan was always dark. We had always been total opposites, but it worked.

“Goodnight. See you next week,” I tried, but she just waved over her shoulder as she walked in the opposite direction.

I waited till she was gone and contemplated just going back in, but it was early still, just past eight. I walked slowly to my car, the pull of the studio was much stronger than the need to eat, but I caught my reflection in the glass of the neighboring store’s front windows and brought my hand to my stomach. I really was skin and bones.

“That blouse is too small, change it.” Clark narrowed his gaze as he eyed me through the mirror and adjusted his tie. “You’re gaining weight, Paige.”

I pulled at the hem of my blouse trying to get it to cover my belly. I dropped my eyes to the bedroom carpet. “The doctor said if I put on some weight, it might help with regulating my ovulation. I won’t get above one-fifteen.”

He turned and his lips twitched on one side as he moved toward me. My heart sank in my chest as he brought his hands to my waist. He’d always wanted a taller wife, a thinner wife… children.I was such a disappointment.

“Look at me,” he demanded, so I obeyed. He searched my expression, and I hoped he wouldn’t be able to discern the fear in my eyes, the sound of my heart was like a bull-horn in the silent room. “One hundred and fifteen pounds is acceptable.”

I exhaled a small breath and he brought his mouth to mine. His lips were thirsty and his breath was warm with a stale mint. He lifted his hands to my face and tilted my head backward, as his tongue pushed into my mouth without grace or permission. He always just took. There was no romance, no lust… no love… I was his and that is all that mattered. He pulled away and took a step backward as he appraised me and narrowed his brows. “Take your place, Paige.”

“But, we’ll be late for church.” My mouth went dry.

He clenched his jaw. “You’ve already caused us to be late. I asked you to change for a reason, did I not? You can’t wear that, it’s too small, and now… you’ve gone and riled me up… take your place.” His command was dripping with disdain, and his lips were in a firm line as he loosened his belt, untucking his dress shirt. I brought my eyes back to the floor as the familiar feeling of dread spread across my skin in a damp, cold sweat.

The cool air turned to ice in my veins as I hurried to my car. Ihadlost too much weight. The divorce, Declan, it was all taking a toll on me and, if I wasn’t careful, I’d let my memories turn me to dust and ashes.My place.My place had been on my back, always still, no sound, no enjoyment. Three nights a week or more if he deemed it necessary. We were to have sex for procreation not pleasure, so Clark had always said, but he’d slept with Cheryl. I was sure that was specifically for pleasure. My hands balled into fists. When I was with Clark, I’d let myself forget what it was like before… I’d let myself think that was my worth, that I was no better than a prized horse. I’d exchanged love for ownership. I’d forgotten what it was like to enjoy physical touch. Clark had destroyed any notions of romantic attachments. Our marriage had always been about him, his needs, his wants, and how I’d never measured up.

I grit my teeth as I sat in my car and slammed the driver side door. I’d let him control my life, my mind, and my body.He used me.Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes as I remembered how soft Declan’s lips had always been, how his touch pulled feelings from me, from my body that Clark had never been able to attain. Declan loved me… helovedme, and when our lips met again in the church, it had briefly washed away all the ugly Clark had covered me in.

There was no question anymore. My past was linked to my present, and if I didn’t try to talk to Declan, try to fix the wrongs I’d committed, then that girl who stared at me from the store front window… she would win, and even death wouldn’t be enough to end my suffering.

“Um… are we eating for two? Is there something you need to tell me?” Lana’s eyes were wide as I shoveled stir-fry into my mouth.

“It’s really good,” I spoke around a mouthful of rice.

“I can tell you like it… are you in a hurry, because if you eat any faster I don’t think it’ll digest, and you’ll be shitting full pea pods.”

I choked down a laugh and struggled to swallow my bite.

“You haven’t eaten in days and now… are you binging?” She gave me a knowing look and I narrowed my eyes.

“No,” I said with an exasperated exhale. “I’m thinking…” I fiddled with my napkin as I diverted my gaze to the table. “I’m thinking I might go back to The Gallery tonight, he booked another week.”

“Declan?” Her fork scraped against the plate.

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