I nodded. “Kieran runs the books and Liam owns it. He bought it six years ago, just after my dad died. The place was going bankrupt, so he—”
“Your dad died?” The blush in her cheeks faded as she took a step toward me. She reached out her hand in comfort, but I turned away and headed to the stereo to grab my phone. He was one of the reasons I’d lost her to begin with.
“He was nothing more than a drunk.” The sentence was a rapid fire machine gun to the white flags we had raised.
She thinks you’re just like him.
“But he was your father.”
I clenched my jaw. “Liam was more of a father to me than he ever was.”
She lowered her head and whispered an apology.
“I’m sorry,” I said as I shook my head. “I didn’t mean to raise my voice.” I moved to where she was standing and lifted her chin. “It was more of a relief when he died, Paige. He wasn’t something any of us were proud of, and Liam, he had to give up everything to help with his medical bills.”And mine. “Kieran gave up his quest for the priesthood to stay with Mom, and—”
She took my hand. “I wish I could have been there for you.”
A spark of anger snapped behind my eyes, and I shrugged out from under her touch. She hadn’t been there.
“After we split, it got pretty bad, Paige, I was in and out of treatment, different docs. I was a fucking head case. They said I had a mild psychotic break about a year after we’d broken up. The voices, they’d eaten me alive, I’d lose time a lot, still do when I get really depressed, but I’d been able to pull out of it without hospitalization. It cost Liam. He took care of me when I couldn’t do it for myself. I would have rotted away in that house with my mother, but after Pop died, it was like Liam finally got the freedom to fly, and thank Christ he took me with him.”
The guilt painted dark circles under her eyes and they began to deepen into black and blue hollows.
“I-I worried about what it had been like for you.” Paige’s voice was fragile. “There were many times I wanted to reach out, talk to you, but it was forbidden, my past was erased the day I married Clark. I was his to have and he did what he pleased. I wasn’t allowed to paint, have friends outside of the church. I wasn’t allowed to hold a job. If I ever mentioned you, or anything… even Lana, I was told to pray away my demons. Clark made sure I always remembered what my place was.” She exhaled and I let her take my hand. “I wasn’t there for you, and I wasn’t there for myself.”
Everything she was saying cut me open, churned in my gut, and made me see red. Clark had owned her as much as my sickness had claimed me. “I didn’t mean to make you feel guilty.”
She smiled without malice. “You did. But it’s okay. We’ve both hurt each other and the damage, it’s done, but we’re not beyond repair. At least I hope not. I’m just glad you don’t hate me anymore.”
She cast her gaze down and a small gasp slipped from her lips. She turned my arm over in her hand and traced the ink with the tip of her finger as she mumbled the words “You see the world.” The hair on my arm stood and a shiver ran up my spine as she circled the “O” in the word you.
I watched her cheeks fill with pink again as she continued to move her finger slowly, delicately, over my skin. “I-I.” She struggled to speak past her trembling lips.
“You told me I saw the world, and it was the first time anyone ever looked at my sickness with anything other than sadness. You saw me as something unique and special, not twisted and fucked up. It was one of the first tattoos I got. Even though I was pissed, and part of me thought I’d never forgive you, I needed to remember you. Your eyes, they were always honest, and those words… they were the only piece of reality I had to hold on to for a long-ass time.” I weaved our fingers together, and the silk of her skin stole away any lasting trace of irritation. She looked up at me, her guilt still heavy. “I might have hated you, Paige, but that hate, it was the lie. This…” I lifted our linked hands. “This is the truth.”
I brushed my lips across the back of her hand, and the blush of her cheeks heated into a deeper shade of red.
Her eyes sparkled as she spoke, “You’ve always known how to make my heart beat, Declan.” She bumped her hip into mine, lightening the mood between us, and that sassy, teenage girl I fell in love with emerged with a full-blown smile, making me chuckle.
There you are, Paige Simon.
She had finally shown herself. My pulse quickened at her easy laughter, and I squeezed her hand.
“You make it easier to breathe.” The sentence tumbled from my mouth before I could stop it.
She raised up on her tiptoes and kissed my cheek, and the fear of losing her again, of pushing us too fast, and derailing the progress we’d made niggled at the back of my throat as I swallowed down the urge to ask her what she was doing once she left here tonight. It was late, and she needed to sleep. Fuck, I needed to sleep, but the idea of having her next to me again, of taking her home and kissing her until her lips were bruised and her chin was raw from my beard, marking her with my touch, my lips…shit… as good as it sounded, as much as I needed that, I wasn’t ready.
“Will I see you tomorrow?” I asked as she pulled away, my hand in hers still.
Our week at the studio was almost over, and I didn’t have enough money to extend the lease. I’d been cutting back my hours at the shop, pissing off my brothers so I could get here earlier, have more time with her, but after everything we’d hashed out over these past few days, I’d suffer the wrath of Liam, and I could always just paint in my room.
She tugged on my arm. “Of course.” She said it as if it was a fact, as if I was nuts to even fucking ask, as if she hadn’t had anywhere else more important to be, and my lips broke into a wide smile.
The cold air snaked around my body as I walked her to her car. The sky was a cloudless, stark midnight blue with bursts of yellow stars. Everything seemed more vibrant. I could even smell the bakery a few blocks up. They must’ve started baking their sweet breads for the early morning rush.The heat of her skin pressed against me and I took a chance and pulled her under my arm. She burrowed into me as we walked the last few steps to where she’d parked behind The Gallery.
Paige lingered in my embrace once we got to her car. I turned her at the waist so she was facing me. We were just a hair’s breadth away from each other, and the need to kiss her fueled my rapid pulse once again. The monster in my head was asleep, and each breath she took curled in white steam from her lips, pulling me closer. She raised her hand and placed it at the nape of my neck and brought her lips to my ear.
“Good night, Declan.”