Page 26 of Possession

I nodded once and bit my lip. “I need to talk to him.”

“You could go to his brother’s tattoo shop that he works at. Confront him on his own turf. Force him to listen. He might not show up at The Gallery, and could you blame him if he didn’t?”

She was probably right. The way I’d let everything go to pieces… I was surprised he could even look at me.

“I would’ve married you, I want to marry you.”

“I couldn’t have married you, Declan. We’d end up just like your mom and dad. You would’ve had to get a job working minimum wage. There would be bills, and mouths to feed. You would’ve thrown away everything that is beautiful about who you are until you drowned your regrets in a bottle and ended up hating me for trapping you into a marriage that was doomed from the start.”

His eyes turned cold and he gripped my arm.

“You’re hurting me, Declan.”

His lips moved but no words came out as he increased his grip. I whimpered and he released me abruptly, and I tripped backward nearly losing my balance.

“Declan?” I was breathless as he raised his hands to his temples trying to quiet the chatter in his head. He mumbled incoherently and when he finally met my gaze, Declan’s blue eyes were blank.

“I hate you for this. I hate that you would rather kill our child than be poor, than marry me. Than live a life with me.” He was yelling and he never yelled.

“No, no, Declan that’s—"

“You’re right. I’m sick and our baby could’ve been sick, and why would you waste your fucking life on me.” He raised his voice and he gripped my arm again and led me to his bedroom door. He had to know I did it for him, for us. He was sick, but I loved him. His beautiful mind. Having a child, this young, it would ruin him. “I’ll never for-forgive you for this.” He croaked and stuttered as his emotions overcame him. My whole body felt empty as I looked up into his eyes. They were filled with tears and he clenched his jaw as he released me from his hold… from his life.

It was the first time he’d ever turned his back on me, but in reality it was me who had turned on him. I’d lost my faith in who he was, and I couldn’t see past my own fear to make the right choice. I naively thought we’d be able to move on, move forward. That we’d eventually marry without the burden of a child, when we weren’t just children ourselves, but when I saw the pure hate in his eyes that day I knew there was nothing I could do to change what I’d done or how he’d felt about me. So I’d left. And when he came back for me… I ignored his calls, he’d even came to my parents’ home. He’d yelled and fought with my father, who threatened to call the police. I’d hid in my room, thinking the worst of myself, hating who I was and how I had destroyed his innocence with my selfish sin. So I sacrificed my own feelings to God, to the church, in hopes I could at least redeem him. Redeem Declan.

“I should’ve let him in, Lana. I should’ve taken his calls, I should’ve—"

“You did what you thought you had to do. You were a still a child yourself and your parents, you think they would’ve let you be together after you’d told them the truth. They would have hung you both by the rafters in that damn chapel if you had tried to stay together.”

She was right.

“Do what you have to now, Paige. You’re free to choose again, make it right. He loves you, he said it himself. He’ll forgive you… and if he doesn’t, at least you tried and you can move on.” She sipped her wine and nodded.

“I’ll give it a week. If he doesn’t show up at The Gallery, I’ll go to him.” As soon as I declared it, the black feeling in my heart lifted.

“Good, now eat, because you’re too damn skinny and no man wants a bag of bones.” She giggled and I smiled.

I closed my eyes as the imprint of his kiss, his mercy burned across my lips. He’d charged me as his poison, but had pardoned me with the sweet taste of a promise.

The bus dropped me off about two miles from Paige’s house and the walk was all uphill. It had snowed last night, but even so, by the time I got to her place I was sweating and probably fucking smelled like shit. I almost turned around when I pulled the piece of paper from my pocket to make sure I was at the right house. It was a palace, hidden within the mountainside. The house was three stories high with gray stucco and pine trim that blended the building into the frost-covered spruces and the wintered, barren Aspens that surrounded it. It was modern lines, but natural at the same time. Paige’s home reminded me of something out of the Frank Lloyd Wright architecture book I’d borrowed from the library once. The driveway’s steep incline was cleared of snow, at least. My calves were already burning, and the hike up to her front door didn’t help.

The door looked heavy and had iron bars that covered a small, square window within its center. It seemed too medieval compared to the rest of the house. My eyes scanned the massive entryway as if I didn’t already feel out of place enough.

The voices in my head laughed.

You don’t belong here.

You’re trash, can’t you smell your stench.

The nervous vice in my chest tightened, and I swallowed hard as I rang the doorbell. The dense scent of pine pulled into my lungs as I tried to take a deep breath. There was no sound on the other side of the door, and the longer I waited, the more I began to believe the echoes in my head. Trash. She was too clean. This house with its manufactured purity, this girl with her perfect smile, slight curves, and small stature… she was too good for me, too much to hold. The insecurity bubbled up my throat and choked me.

“Declan?” Paige’s voice was kind, soothing, and it was bright like the color yellow.

I lifted my gaze. She was wearing soft looking, black leggings and a large, Army green sweater that consumed her form. The sweat was thick on my brow as I rubbed the back of my neck. “Sorry it took me so long, the bus dropped me down on Elk Avenue.”

Her eyes widened. “That’s almost three miles. I should have had my dad come get you.”

The thought of her father picking me up from the brown piece of shit, pile of bricks I lived in almost made me puke. “That’s okay, I don’t mind walking, it’s how I get around.” I gave her a sideways smile, and she stepped back, gesturing for me to enter her castle.

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