Page 21 of Possession

Stop.

Don’t stop.

The pain of my arousal made my stomach contract as she moved her body along mine. Tortured. Wound up. Heated breaths and lost words drove the need I’d buried for so long. The whispers in my head grew louder. Urging me to feel, urging me to stop, the conflict flared inside me with an angry flame, and I gripped her hip harder than I should have with one hand as the other moved down past her skirt. It had bunched along her waist and her black underwear was visible. My thumb trailed just under the seam and Kate whimpered against my lips. She leaned back and dropped her hooded eyes as she pulled at my belt and quickly undid the button of my jeans.

What am I doing?

You’reFeeling. You’re burning.

Kate’s clammy hands wrapped around me and my jaw clenched.

She’s dirty.

She moved her thumb over the head of my dick and I groaned. I closed my eyes and tried to push away the guilt as she worked her hands up and down. The bile crept up my throat and I gripped her wrist. My eyes opened and instead of the light blue I had prayed for every night, the deep color of soil gazed back at me. The mud of a grave. There was no hope in her… she was full of shadows and the gray light of dawn was just an illusion sick with the perversion of her truth.

Stop.

Stop.

“Stop.” I was breathless as I ceased the motion of her coercive hands with my own.

She leaned forward and brought her lips to my ear. “Are you not having fun?” Her teeth scraped at the lobe and it set my jaw on edge. The whispers turned to laughter.

“I need to go.”

“Okay.” She drew out the word, annoyed as she lifted her body and maneuvered back to the driver side of the car.

I fumbled with my pants and belt as I pulled myself back together with trembling fingers. The muscles in my arms flexed as I fisted my hands at my side once I’d finished, once I’d realized what I had allowed to happen. The whiskey had turned sour and my head was hammering out every vile thought.

You would have fucked her in a car. You want to. You need to.

I shook my head and mashed my molars together to stop from arguing with myself out loud.

“I thought you were into me?” She was hurt, angry. Kate pulled at the hem of her dress trying to make it longer, trying to cover up her shame.

“I’m sorry… I-I told you before I wasn’t—”

“Available, yeah, I know, but—”

I opened the door. “Trust me, Kate…” I stepped out of the SUV and rested my hands on the frame of the car as I leaned down and looked her in the eyes one last time. “I’m… I’m sparing you.”

She rolled her eyes. “From what?”

“From me.” I leaned back and dropped my hands from the car. I didn’t look at her when I shut the door. I didn’t turn to watch her laugh at me, at my lack of courage, or my sad, fucked-up excuses. I didn’t look to see if what I’d said had affected her at all, and I didn’t care, because there was nothing I could do about it anyway. I belonged to Paige, and as I neared the familiar beat of Bellows, the phantom feeling of Kate’s fingers evaporated. I was able to concede that seeing Paige again, even though it had pulled me back into the underworld of my own mind, had me feeling something other than despair. When I saw myself reflected in her eyes again, I was more than just a mirrored image of placid calm and cooled aggression. I was fire and want and rage.

I was feeling.

I’d felt.

The air in Bellows had thinned now that the expectation had disappeared into a messy mistake in Kate’s front seat. Liam was sitting with a few guys from the shop, and Kieran’s cool blue eyes met mine from across the room. He exhaled what looked like a breath of relief as he hurried toward me

“Where’s Kate?”

“I think she went home. I walked her to her car,” I lied and his lips formed a thin line.

“You were gone awhile.” He gave me a once over and his shoulders eased for some reason. “Look, that chick. She’s not a good girl, Declan.”

“No?” I played along.

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