Page 98 of Bad for Me

It looked as though she had added some new curtains and a doormat outside the front door that said, “Home Sweet Home.”

I let myself in, not bothering to knock. She invited me here, and I wasn’t expecting to walk into a war. I expected to walk into the place we’d used to fuck and have her try to do just that—fuck me.

Instead, she had an elaborate dinner set on the formal table, below the ornate chandelier of tiny crystals. Ava had to have spent the entire day decorating the place, and I set my bag down by the door, looking around the large space for her.

“Mary.” She breathed and walked over to me with a glass of my favorite red wine in her hands.

Handing me a glass, she acted as if she wanted to kiss me, but decided not to at the last minute.

“I know you’re upset,” she said, sitting on the couch that faced the large windows at the front of the cabin. The Adirondack mountains were fully covered by snow now, and the houses that littered the sides looked like little gingerbread houses.

Oh, how the tables have turned.

“I guess we’re even now,” I said dryly, taking a sip of my wine.

“Listen.” She placed her hand on my thigh and electricity shot straight through to my core. Goddamn her and the effect she has on my body even when I can’t even look at her, “Mary…”

I continued to look down into my wineglass, secretly enjoying the attention she was finally giving me.

I looked at her this time, and her blue eyes were just as breathtaking as I remembered. My nipples tightened beneath my t-shirt, and I crossed my arms over them in hopes she wouldn’t see the effect she had on me.

She moved in closer to me, and now I could smell her, making my knees wobbly. Good thing I wasn’t standing for this.

“I’m sorry. I know it hurt you, seeing Matt and I together. But I didn’t know what else to do…I felt trapped, and that’s exactly how it’s always felt with Matt. I didn’t know who I was, but since I’ve met you, I’m learning. I’m learning things about myself that I was never willing to face, things that I shut out and prayed would just disappear. Because…I wasn’t raised with a supportive, loving mother like yours, Mary. I was handed a life and told to be grateful for it, end of story. What I realize now is that I’ve never known who I was.”

My heart was racing, but as I listened to her, she didn’t saythe one thingI wanted to hear from her.

Matt and I are over.

The words never left her mouth, and I wondered if I was still just being a fool.

“You’re never going to leave him, are you? Is it because I’m not good enough? Or is it because you’re a chickenshit?”

Ava’s brows furrowed, and I could tell I’d gotten a rise out of her then. “Neither.”

“Then why the fuck didn’t you end it? You’ve seen what he is. I’d never do that to you, ever. I’d want you all to myself. I’d never want to share your love with anyone else. I’ve doneeverythingfor you…Imovedfor you, I listened to you, Isawyou. I’d change my life for you, because I believe we were meant to find each other, on a chat room or not.”

She wasn’t looking at me. She stared at the floor, tears welling up in her eyes.

“I’ve wanted to leave himsomany times. But I never actually considered it, until I met you.”

The admonishment sent an arrow straight through my heart, and I wanted to hold her, kiss her temples, but I just couldn’t bring myself to. I was still deeply hurt by what I saw, and I realized for the first time in my life that there were limits and things I was unwilling to accept.

Someone grappling with their sexuality and marriage was too much for me. I knew I wanted to be with women since I was in high school, and I had proudly accepted it.

Ava was stripped down tonight; she wore no makeup and anAdidastracksuit that matched my skirt. The same skirt her fingers fucked me in the first time. I clenched my core, squeezing my thighs together, the memory sending little throbs straight to my clit.

Her lips were swollen from crying, and she looked tired, but sobeautifully vulnerable.

I moved in closer to her and stroked her bottom lip with my thumb. “Do you know how badly I want to kiss you right now?”

She looked at me from under her lashes, looking as if she may cry again. Seeing her like this—raw and broken—I couldn’t stop myself even if I tried.

I grabbed her face, smashing her lips to mine, our tongues wrestling each other until she was flat on her back, and I was in between her legs. She wrapped them around me, and I ground into her, my pussy pulsing and empty.

As we kissed, hands roamed and plucked nipples, squeezed thighs. I couldn’t get enough of touching her, and these clothes and this couch were getting in the way.

She sat up, pushing me back. As I sat on my heels, wiping my mouth, she said, “Go to the bedroom and get naked, my naughty nun. You still need to be punished for you antics at the faculty party.”

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