Page 92 of Bad for Me

“May I pull three cards for you?”

Trepidation tickled over my body, but the uneasiness I felt was far outweighed by my curiosity. I nodded, shifting on the couch so that my crossed legs touched hers.

Again, as she shuffled the deck, she gazed at her hands, asking out loud about love. After she placed the three cards side by side, I noticed her check the bottom of the deck.

The first card was The Star, the second was The Tower.

And the third was The Empress.

She looked at me, a slanted grin on her face. This time, the glassiness of her eyes yielded one tear drop falling down her round cheek.

I wiped away her tear with my thumb and pulled her to me. She laid her head on my shoulder, sniffling.

“Are these cards no good?”

She was quiet, but then she cleared her throat. “The Empress…she is always with me.”

I still wasn’t clear on what that card meant, and I planned on asking her, but I wanted to find out what exactly about it was upsetting her.

“And what exactly does that mean to you?”

Her tears came slowly, running down her cheeks in streaks. When she pulled back from me, it was as if she could no longer hold inside whatever had been pushing against her heart.

“I lost my baby sister. Well, she wasn’t born yet, but I still lost her. Mom was eight months pregnant when it happened…”

I didn’t push her to continue, but fuck did hearing that break my heart. I could hardly envision myself with a child, all the sleepless nights and dirty diapers. But shit, losing a baby late term. Mary’s poor mother.

“I’m so sorry, Mary…”

I tried to pull her to me again, but she waved me away. “The night she died was a full moon on a chilly night in November, and the photos on the wall kept falling down. I knew it’d happen, but I prayed I was wrong. But I was right. I pulled a card to read the energy of the night while my neighbor watched me.”

“And it was the Empress?”

“No, it was Death.”

I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat, willing myself not to cry. I wanted to be strong for Mary, something it seemed like she struggled with deep down. She’d put on a game face every day though. I’d have never guessed that she was carrying this much pain with her.

She looked down over the cards she drew for me. “The Star…I’m not surprised that this is your past reading. All those trophies at school…the perfect life you were given…”

I nearly laughed out loud at that, but I knew she was being authentic and kind. I certainly didn’t have a perfect life, but it made sense that’s what other people saw.

“The Tower shows me you are going through something life changing as well…” She didn’t elaborate, she just moved on to the Empress…perhaps it was already clear to her that my entire life had been altered in a matter of weeks. I hardly believed it myself some days, but here I was…getting a Tarot reading.

“The Empress.” She sighed and sat back, smiling.

“Always there, huh?” I leaned back as well, resting my head on the plush, white cushions. Her eyes didn’t look so grey today. In fact, they almost looked lavender in the sun that beamed through the bay window behind me.

“She’s always been there for me,” she whispered, taking my hand in hers.

I leaned in, softly kissing her lips as she tangled her hands in my hair.

Maybe I was sold a lie when I was growing up. Maybe I was lying even to myself. Because the emotions I felt in the past three weeks, learning about this woman sitting in front of me, evoked more than any sermon ever had.

“What can I do to bring a smile back to yourperfectface?”

She grinned, running her hand down my shoulder and exposed collarbone.

“Not orgasms, my naughty little nun. Something else.”

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