Page 75 of Bad for Me

Wasn’t she the one that sought me out so aggressively? Always staying close to wherever I was—be it during practice or after school.

What was wrong with me?

I bit my nail, trying to think of a way I could get her alone…a way that we could touch and play without any eyes. Rumors traveled fast around a college campus, and I wasn’t so sure we could keep up the ‘coach and favorite student’ much longer.

When she looked at me…it lingered…for too long. Her eyes like daggers, running up and down my body, making me feel as though I stood before her in the nude. The way I looked at her probably wasn’t much different…considering most times I wanted the ground to swallow us whole just so we could be alone.

I decided to trash the wait-outside idea, knowing that Matt would ask me stupid questions that he already had the answers to.

My body had come alive since Mary joined our team. I looked forward to practices, looking for her in the hallways.

There was something familiar about Mary. There was something that pulled on the edge of my mind each time we were together—a familiarity that awakened parts of my body I had forgotten existed. Sort of like when I was with Ambrosia…

I blinked a few times, reminding myself who I was.

And who exactly is that?

I was living a double life—one that my husband was entirely aware of. Part of me felt sick with that knowledge…I wanted him to be angry…possessive.

I knew Matt could be manipulative; I had seen it the day that I confessed my need to explore this side of me. The side that craved the touch of another woman.

Well, then you should explore it…but I want to know about it.

I had to tell him each time I walked out the door to meet a stranger from a chat room. He offered to come with me, and I had thrown a wine bottle at him, screaming about how I needed to do this on my own.

Thus the ‘pottery classes’ emerged, and it was like a code word.

I think the only reason he even let me go was because he feared he’d lose me all together.

Or more like the pristine reputation we had created in our community.

When are you having babies!? You guys are the perfect couple…all you need is a baby!

I cringed at the memory of those words that another teacher from Matt’s department had said at our last faculty gala.

The same one that was coming up this weekend…the weekend before Halloween.

Everyone had agreed on the sophisticated theme of ‘Fall Foliage.’

I rolled my eyes to myself as I stacked the boxes of clean uniforms, pom-poms, and signs.

Hands on my hips, I looked down over the green and yellow colors, thinking about my time here and wavering back to my very first love.

It was a hot summer day, weeks before graduation. I was planning a wedding, and she was packing for a job in Colorado. We had shared many nights up late, talking about life and eventually the words turned into kisses and the hugs turned into feverish touching. I told myself it was just a phase—something I needed to experience before I got married. Only, my heart broke that morning she left, and as much as I wanted to tell her how I felt—she ended up sneaking out of our shared dorm in the early morning hours.

I’m sure it was to put it all behind us and avoid a tough conversation. I wondered to this day where she was and how she was doing.

I sighed, feeling my heart beating with an urgency that I could not ignore. I needed to see her, if not to curb this hunger inside of me, but not to leave another lose thread I’d regret not tying up.

The supply room just off the gym was only large enough to hold two weight benches and a few yoga balls and basketball racks. I was attempting to get the rogue balls bag to their places when I heard her footsteps…I could tell they were her steps by the way her sneakers always squeaked on the waxed gym floor. My belly clenched, and my palms sweat.

There was no coy way around our relationship anymore, not after what happened Friday in my office.

That gray area was now jet black and nothing inside of me wanted this to slow down.

“Coach! I didn’t know you would be her?—”

I grabbed her by her waist, closing both heavy iron doors behind her and pushing her up against them. “Youknewwhere to find me. Especially if I wasn’t in my office…don’t lie to me, Mary.”

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