Page 122 of Bad for Me

The car slows to a crawl. I’m too paralyzed with fear to realize I’m safe until two strong arms embrace me again.

“You’re okay, sunshine. You’re okay. Fuck, I didn’t think about your accident. I was just trying to get away. I’m sorry.”

I choke on another sob. My muscles hurt from tensing, tears streak down my cheeks, and I don’t know the last time I breathed. But Woods keeps comforting me. His soothing, deep, sure voice calms me quickly, drawing me back to the present.

My eyes blink open to see that he found a secluded parking lot near one of Graveston’s many gardens. The parking lot is supposed to have motion-sensor streetlamps, but he must’ve driven so slowly that the lights didn’t detect us. When he turns off the car, our interior lights disappear, and everything goes pitch black. It’s just me and Woods, and I’m safe in his arms.

“I’m so fucking sorry.” His hand smooths down my hair and back, rubbing my spine with gentle kneading pressure. “You’re safe, sunshine.”

“It’s okay,” I hiccup.

“No, it’s fucking not. I’m an asshole.”

“You are an asshole. But not because of your driving.” I try to laugh but only a dry huff comes out. The slight movement tightensallof my muscles, reminding us that he’s still inside of me. We both groan as he hardens again. He grips my hips but instead of helping me off, he pushes them down and shifts below me. I tighten my embrace around his neck, and he kisses me just underneath my jaw, whisper-light against the sensitive skin there.

“Are you okay?”

I nod. “Yeah, I’m okay. That night flashes in my mind at the worst times.”

“Mine too.”

Confusion purses my lips and I sit up to question him.

“What do you mean? You weren’t there.”

His brow furrows and his jaw tenses, as if he’s trying to figure out whether he should hold back or not. The thought is a tense pang of disappointment in my chest, but when he sighs, the pressure releases.

“My dad called me the night of your accident. I rushed home as quickly as I could, and I sat with you while you were…” He swallows. “While you were unconscious.”

My jaw drops. “You did?” I shake my head, trying to rid the belief that I’ve held all these years that he didn’t care. “But that makes no sense. I had no idea. Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

“I don’t know if they know. It was late, and you weren’t supposed to have visitors, but I was able to convince someone to let me stay that night.”

“Convincesomeone?” I ask, my brow raised with interest.

He chuckles wryly. “Let’s just say I have some connections.”

“Cryptic again, but okay.” I roll my eyes and huff a laugh, choosing to put that on the backburner with all the other questions I have cooking. “So why did you leave?”

“The next morning, the doctor told me you were going to be okay, so I left…” He grimaces. “Before your mother showed up.”

I scoff. “Because you hate her and didn’t want to be around her.”

“True.” He shrugs. “But also because I didn’t want anyone to see me like that. I was… I was in a drunk driving accident in high school too. My best friend had been drinking and crashed just like you did. Only he didn’t make it?—”

Sympathy shocks through me. “Oh my God, Woods, I’m so sor?—”

“I hated seeing you like that, Everly.” He swallows and my chest aches for the pain etched in his face. “I hated being terrified. I hated blaming you for living while my friend died. I hated being confronted by the fact that yet another person in my life could be yanked from it. As much as I didn’t trust your mother, I didn’t want to see you… I didn’t want yougone. It broke me seeing you like that, and I’d already lost so much. Once I found out you were going to be okay, I promised myself that I would never let myself break like that again.”

With the despair in his voice, all I want to do is hug him to comfort us both. But my heart aches like I’ve been ripped open, and a whisper is all I can manage. “So you chose hating me instead of losing someone again.”

His face softens, and the tender look is a salve to the wound deep in my chest.

“I hated everything about that night, but I’ve never hated you. I wanted to. I even thought I could. But this was my own shit. Almost a year before you and your mother came into our lives, my mom died.” I knew this part, but still, sympathy pricks tears behind my eyes. He leans into my hand as I stroke his cheek. “I was already cold and mad at the world for other reasons. Combine that with the fact that I thought my father remarried too soon, and I couldn’t shake my anger anymore. I’ve been furious ever since. But you, Everly… it’s never been you. I won’t leave you again. I was cold and mad at the world for so long, and I can’t do it anymore. Not after seeing you for the first time again in class yesterday. I felt… I felt sunshine again.”

A tear leaks out, and hope warms me like a blanket. Sunshine was the thought I had at that moment too, like he was basking in me. Knowing he felt the same feels like fate.

“None of this is going how I thought it would, you know?” I laugh.

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