Page 83 of Bad for Me

My stomach lurched, and as soon as I made it to my car in the parking lot, I vomited.

Not because of Matt, not because I could no longer trust our beloved pastor, but because the facade I had worked so hard to maintain just came crashing down.

Who was I trying to impress? Who was I keeping this faked life together for? My mother? My husband? Because my husband checked out of this marriage, and I was using every excuse in the book to find ways tonotspend time with him.

One thing was for sure—we all wear masks. Even the town’s favorite pastor. I wanted to let mine slip. Fuck, I wanted more than anything to just take it off completely and bare all my marred secrets and desires for the world to see.

17

ONE DRUNK NUN

Ava

As I pulledon the strapless black dress I wore, I silently wished my tits were bigger. I think about how Mary’s tits were the perfect handful, and how badly I had wanted to suck them when I saw her in that black teddy.

Lust coiled deep inside my hips, and I had to chastise myself for thinking these thoughts even after she lied to me and…well if we’re being honest, stalked me.

My nipples hardened, and my head swirled, thinking of the possibilities of her watching me, just like that night through the window.

I watched my slender body in the full-length mirror, flipping down the top of the dress and pinching a nipple. I hissed, closing my eyes, and pretending Mary was here with me, whispering how sexy and feminine I looked tonight. If she was here, she’d kiss my neck. Maybe she’d even put her hand under my dress and play with my pussy while I watched in the mirror.

We would laugh, drink wine, and dance. It would be the perfect night, only instead, I waited for Matt to get out of the shower so we can attend the Faculty Gala hosted each year by the hypocritical pastor himself. I groaned, pulling on my sling backs, and grabbing the small, matching purse.

I didn’t want to go to this stupid, fucking party. It was just an excuse to kiss everyone’s asses and share the latest gossip. Every year, at least one faculty member gets too hammered to drive home and they’d become the butt of our jokes until the next Christmas party where someone new with take that trophy.

Never me though.

I was a pro at keeping things professional and limiting myself to only two drinks. Sadly, Matt took that trophy two years ago and ever since that night, he’s not allowed to drink at these at all.

I didn’t want to see the pastor, but it seemed like my ‘pretending’ game was only getting stronger.

I tucked myself back into the dress, my stomach sinking, knowing that I’d probably never get to see Mary again. Besides at the game.

I should kick her off the team entirely, but something gnawed on the back of my mind. I decided not to think about that right now.

Just as I locked Mary away inside another box of secrets, Matt came up behind me, adjusting his cuff links on his blazer.

I didn’t meet his eyes in the mirror, and his dark, handsome features stared at me through the gold edged mirror. “I did you a favor this morning. I needed to absolve these sins you refuse to stop committing with women. Infidelity, sexual hunger...”

“Matt, you fuck around with students on a weekly basis. Was sexual deviance on that list of sins he was ‘absolving’ you from?” I air quote the word absolving because it’s absolute bullshit. I may have bought the lie the church sold me for many, many years, but I wasn’t an idiot.

“I trust him, Av. And yes, it was forgiveness for all those things. His seed is holy. He speaks to God himself, it’s a fucking phenomenon, and I expect to take full advantage of it.”

Full advantage, right.

I didn’t want to argue with him, especially because any fight with Matt always turned into a pissing match that he’d always win. I didn’t have the endurance he did for fighting.

“Ready to go?”

I tucked my black bag under my arm and took a dramatic deep breath. “Ready as I’ll ever be, I guess.”

* * *

Mary

“Oh my God, dude. That outfit is so fucking sexy. Granted, it looks like you got it from the child’s section but, dang.”

I’m standing in the hallway mirror, Liv and Harper behind me, while they ogled my naughty bits that hang out of this skintight nun outfit and thigh high tights.

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