Page 57 of Bad for Me

Fucking foolish, childish.

I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths and remembering my mantra for this year:

This is finally my time; this year will be different.

The music began, and although I was late for the starting beat, my body moved through the dance easily. My shouts were subpar, but I blamed it on the fact that I knew next to no one here and had yet to find my unfaltering confidence. I’d though, so help me, Goddess.

I tripped on my last move, my legs not moving fast enough in the crisscross jump forward.

The adrenaline slowly faded as the room grew silent. No one clapped, and I felt my chest tingle, moving down through my abdomen and snaking through my guts.

I was going to be sick.

“Not bad…but also…not good.”

I swallowed the vomit that crept up the back of my throat, entirely focused on every tone in her voice. Annoyance, curiosity…authority.

I continued to smile, waiting for more judgement or maybe even praise. It was hard to tell by the stony expression on her ironically angelic face.

“I find it hard to believe you were on arealcheer squad last year with a routine like that.Saved by the Bell?I mean, that makes what we do look like a cheesy commercial ad for tampons.”

Everyone at the table with her laughed, and she crossed her arms over her ample chest, accentuating her breasts.

Time stilled, and I licked at the corner of my lip, eyes focusing on the tight buds that currently poked through her white polo shirt. They almost brushed the tops of her arms, but not quite. I licked my lips again.

“So??”

I snapped my eyes back to hers. My cheeks heated as I realized I must have been staring. Straight at my coaches’ tits.

“I-I’m sorry, what was the question?”

I tried hard not to picture what it would feel like to shove my face between her tits, licking them in a wide circle until I had sufficiently flicked each one.

“Is this yourfirst-timecheering?”

My cheeks heated further, the feeling of being caught in a lie sending cinders of fires from my core to my chest. The familiar feeling tingling its way down my thighs and to the arches of my feet.

“No, I was on a cheer team last year in New York.”

Coach Kelly stared at me for a few beats, which felt like minutes to me. I swallowed hard, praying she wouldn’t be able to see my deceit.

“Alright, then, welcome! We will see you at practice on Friday after school. I’ll have your uniform waiting for you and don’t fuck up this time, okay? We have a big game to prep for this November.”

Groans followed her announcement.

I hurried off the court, grabbed my bag off the floor, and rushed outside. I sucked in a huge gulp of air and closed my eyes.

I’m in the fucking squad!

5

HELLO, MARY

Mary

“What the fuck,Mary?! I told you never to come here again! You’re really scaring me!”

My face is pale, the dark circles under my eyes very apparent. I’m shaking, standing in my ex’s bedroom in only a white T-shirt and Joe Boxer’s. And there is a blizzard outside.

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