Page 24 of Cookies and Control

Isolating myself in one of the stalls, I think of how fun it could be to be pregnant and raise a baby at the same time as a friend ortwo or three. The possibility lifts my spirits, helping remind me that even if I messed up Jasmine’s business plan, we’ll be there for each other.

Jasmine sets her test stick on the bathroom counter. I’m pretty sure she’s trying to distance herself from the result. I do the same.

It’s ironic that she doesn’t want a relationship and may have ended up pregnant, while I want a relationship with someone who doesn’t want me.

The timer goes off and I blink, processing the pink lines. Jasmine’s pregnant. I’m pregnant. Anxiety ripples through me. How the hell am I going to tell Bull? He wasn’t even willing to tell his mom we’re a thing. How’s he going to explain a baby? No one would believe we didn’treallyhave sex.

I text Rocky, hoping he can merge his cool uncle vibe and his feelings for me:Can we put the bikini barista thing aside? I need your help.

My phone rings. Rocky. I step away from my friends to take the call.

“What do you need help with? Are you okay, Betsy?” His concern is comforting.

“Basically.”

“Consider the bikini barista thing done. I’m sorry I overreacted again, but you seriously need to stop dropping bombs on us.”

Oops, this latest news isn’t going to land well. I’ll try to ease in. “So you’re okay with the bikinis?”

“Once again, I calmed the fuck down and researched it. I have concerns but I respect the concept. If Bull pulls his portion of the funding, I’ll make up for it. So what do you need?”

My stomach roils. I’d rather run to Jasmine with the good news of a crisis averted. “I need you to be my super-cool uncle.”

“Hmm… that doesn’t sound like a booty call.”

I can’t let him make this harder than it is. “I’m pregnant.”

Silence.

“I don’t know how I’m going to tell Bull.”

More silence then he says, “I’ll help you.” But there’s little confidence in his tone.

I try to ease the tension. “Should we tell him at the Christmas party so he can move right past worrying how to tell Grandma?”

“Not funny.” He’s not usually one to wave off a joke.

I shrink a little. “Sorry, I’m stressed out.”

“Don’t be sorry. That’s on me. I meant that it’s not funny that you’re carrying his baby instead of mine.”

My heart skips a beat. I’m not sure what to do with that statement.

He continues, “We should probably wait until after the party to tell him.”

Fifteen

Bull

I watch Betsy across the living room, her usual vibrant energy somehow different tonight—an almost luminous quality. She’s arranging cookies on the holiday platter, wearing that red sweater dress that makes her look both innocent and… I force my eyes off of her curves.

She deserves someone better than me. Someone who can admit their love for her in more than a haggard, controlling statement.

If we weren’t hosting the family party, I probably wouldn’t have shown up.

“Betsy dear, you really should put more effort into your appearance.” Mother’s voice cuts through the chatter. She’s notparticularly loud, I’ve just grown used to her biting words, her backhanded comments, and her judgment.

And now that she’s directing it at the love of my life, I can’t take it anymore. I’ve hurt Betsy enough in the last couple of weeks to last a million lifetimes.

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