Page 62 of From You to Me

I frowned. What was that?

The same thing happened at the apartment when I was talking to Lily. I’d thought it was some sort of asthma attack, but thinking back now, it might have been a panic attack.

Was I having a panic attack whenever I thought about that time six years ago? A time that I caged deep inside my head because even thinking of it made me puke. Was opening up all those suppressed wounds making me feel this way.

But it didn’t matter now, did it?

The truth was out in the light, and it didn’t even matter to him. All my pain and sacrifice didn’t matter to him. We were dead, beyond saving at this point.

The frustration and hope left my body. For all these years, I somehow held on to the hope that if my Jay knew everything, he would welcome me back with open arms. But no, he laughed in my face.

He called himself a fool, but the real fool was me.

Played and toyed with beyond control, and now I was a skeletal version of the person I once was. Grasping onto thesmallest scraps of affection thrown my way from someone who would never love me back.

It dawned as clear as day, I was the stupid one.

An emotion that I’d never felt for Jay crept its way up my body—hate.

I hated him.

Was it possible to hate someone whom you loved with every cell of your being? Because I did.

As much as a part of my soul would love him forever, the present me hated him. Hated the fact that he dismissed me like I was nothing. Was all that self-destruction and suffering that I put myself through even worth it?

That night, I lay wide awake, making a little promise to myself. That everything I did after this would be for me. I refused for my life to be influenced by the love I had for him. I needed to move on and build a life for myself on my own.

It was something I should’ve done a long time ago.

JAY

I wouldn’t deny the slightest tug in my gut at the sight of pain in those watery eyes. But I had to remind myself it was those same eyes that put me through hell all those years ago.

I believed her—every time she gave me the silent treatment, every time she disappeared on me, and every time she promised that she still loved me. I believed her.

Only to find her in bed with another man. Even then, I didn’t want to let go. I fought for the remnants of her because even the thought of her not being in my life was like death.

But in the end, she left anyway.

I grimaced at the pressure forming between my brows as I powered through the hallway. The side of my face burned from the glaring sun escaping through the countless windows.

Something pried my thoughts to what she said. The agony that tormented her face was evident. I wonder why she said all those things. Was it a way of her trying to get us back together?

But I knew her. Even though I bought her lies time and time again six years ago, something about this didn’t make any sense to me.

Why would she blame it all on Cece? I knew she never liked Cece even back then, so did that stem this blame she put on her? What would Cece even gain from this?

Frowning, I recalled Evy’s words,for the album, she said. Why would Cece make Evy cheat on me for the album? If so, why would Evy cheat on me in the first place?

It sounded ridiculous. Cece would never do that.

Our deal was signed months before Evy left me, so the timeline didn’t add up. I just didn’t understand why Evy was digging up our past.

I ran a frustrated hand through my hair as I dashed into my bedroom.

But something in my stomach didn’t sit right. As much as I didn’t like it, I could read her like a book. The look in her eyes told me she wasn’t lying.

As much as it confused me, it didn’t matter now.

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