Page 61 of From You to Me

“Why not?” I croaked out, my voice thick with emotion.

He blew out an exhale and dropped his back to the bed.

A glint glassed over his blues, and the muscles in his face softened as he peered at me. “I was seventeen when I met you,” he said, his voice lower than normal, like it held a hint of vulnerability, “and I knew I had to have you. It wasn’t a craving, lust, or need. It was as plain as going to bed and waking up the next day. It was simple and easy. All my fears and doubts became a matter of fact when I looked into those brown eyes. It was that easy to fall in love with you, Evelyn. Which is why I can’t.” A flicker of hardness returned to his eyes. “Which is why I can’t do this with you again. I refuse to be that foolish boy who fell for you, the boy who worshipped the ground you walked on and trusted everything you said. I refuse to be that fool again.”

It was like heavy chains of ropes strangled my heart, so heavy that I felt it in my throat.

The lines around his mouth tightened before he continued. “I lost myself because of you. You left me a broken, desolate man, Evelyn, trying to pick up the pieces you shattered. After you left, I couldn’t tell day from night. I used every drug under the sky, but it still didn’t help. It took me two years to pull myself from that vicious cycle where I nearly destroyed myself.”

“Jay,” I whispered in a broken voice as wetness gathered in the corner of my eye.

“It took me two years to realize it was all a lie. That if you ever loved me at all, you would’ve come back. If you ever loved me at all, you never would’ve left. It took a long time, but I buried it all and vowed to never fall for anyone again.”

“Jay,” I choked out. “How can you say that it was a lie? You don’t know how much I loved you, everything I did for you, how much I still…”

“Don’t,” he thundered.

I swallowed as I took a deep breath. “It’s still us, Jay. You and me.” I traced the pad of my thumb over the rough stubbleon his jawline. “Can’t we talk? You don’t know everything that happened six years ago.”

He shook his head, flicking my finger away. “It doesn’t matter anymore. There is no more us, Evelyn.”

I couldn’t help the sob that escaped through the tightness in my throat. “D-Don’t say that, Jay.” I scrambled, trying to sit up, but he was already out of bed.

Almost as if it never even happened, the softness in his face disappeared and was replaced by a cold, formidable mask. “I might share my body with you, but I won’t share my heart with you. Never again, Evelyn. I promised myself that.” His intimidating stance towered over me from the foot of the bed.

But I refused to give up. “You told me that I never came back, but I did,” I argued. “I came back. I also called you a thousand times, but you never picked up.” I pointed an accusing finger at him. “I have every right to be mad at you too. You abandoned me just as much as I abandoned you.”

He broke out in a laugh, a cruel, cruel laugh that sent spikes through my ribs. “I abandoned you?” He gestured to himself. “You fucking cheated on me, Evelyn. You ruined my life.”

“No,” I cried out as I fought the invisible hands trying to grip my throat, stealing my air. “I never cheated on you. It was all a lie, Wh…” I clutched my chest. A zap shot straight through the middle of my head, clouding my vision, but I fought against the feeling.I had to get it out.I choked on my breath as I rasped. “Wh..White made me do it.”

“White?” He frowned. “You mean Cece? Pray tell, why would she do that?”

The hand that clutched my chest tightened. It felt like all the air was being wheezed out of me. “For your al..album.” I gasped, leaning against the headboard.

Disbelief marred his face as he furiously shook his head. “I can’t believe you, Evelyn.” The vein in his forehead throbbed.“How far are you willing to go to save face? How long are you going to lie? I saw you fucking him,” he roared, his knuckles turning pale. “And now you’re blaming it on some innocent woman. I can’t believe you’re making up fake scenarios in your head to get away with it.”

My heart stopped at that moment. Trickles and trickles of tears spilled out, but I didn’t even care to wipe them away as a sick feeling rose up my throat. “You don’t believe me?” I asked through foggy eyes.

He sighed. “Save your tears, Evelyn. It’s not going to work this time. These eyes…” He waved toward me. “These eyes, the look in them is what made me a fool once. I don’t believe a word out of your mouth. I don’t trust you.”

My entire world crumbled just then. Pain, I felt so much of it. But burning fury filled my breathless lungs, and I didn’t think as I gathered the sheets around me and got up in his face in an instant.

“Fuck you, Jayden.” My fists punched his chest, blood roaring in my ears. “You hear me, fuck you. How can you say those things to me? Do you know how much I sacrificed for you, just so you could go and live out your dream? How much it killed me? And even after all of that, you treat me like shit!?” I cried, wailing. “The hell I’ve been through because of you, and you disregard me like I’m nothing.” My hand swept the flowing wetness in my cheeks as I sniffled. “Didn’t these past few weeks mean nothing to you?”

His blues remained impassive as they stared at me. “I told you, Evelyn. All it’ll ever be is a fuck. So no, it means nothing to me.”

My hands shook by side as I crunched my molars hard. “Fine,” I hissed. “Whatever we have going on.” I waved between us both. “It’s done. I’m done with you. I’ll bite through the next couple of weeks because I actually need this job, but other than that, we are done. I want nothing more to do with you after this.”

His face didn’t flicker one bit as he nodded. “As you wish,” he stated, storming out the door.

The nausea that brewed in my stomach came back in full wave. I rushed to the bathroom and puked my guts out. I heaved the fire in my throat as blackness glimmered in my vision. Every muscle in my body felt tight. It felt like someone was strangling me.

Only then did I realize that my breath was caught up in my throat.

I forced deep lungfuls of air through my nose as I clawed my chest, fighting to breathe. My back hit the bathtub as I rolled my head upward, catching every bit of the precious air as I could.

After a few long minutes of struggle, my vision returned as the air started to fill my body.

---