I have been standing over the kitchen counter for the past five minutes, my gaze locked on a muscular back as I contemplated how to proceed. Nervous energy mixed with fear coiled through my gut at the thought of admitting it all to him.
If the old Jay were here, he would understand and listen to me, but the man in front of me was an enigma, a mystery. I didn’t know what the hell was going on in his mind.
But I needed to let it all out because it would free me. I know we could never go back to what we once were, but at least the truth would help us both heal.
I had locked up all those painful events of our past in the darkest place in my mind. I didn’t comb through them to grieve and understand. I just buried them all, hoping one day that everything would be all right. And even thinking about it now brought about the same dizzying spell from yesterday.
“I can feel you staring at me, you know.” Jay turned around and cocked a brow in my direction.
I flushed, stumbling as I made my way to him. I swallowed the growing lump in my throat, wringing my hands as I stood in front of him, blocking his view of the city.
“What do you want?” His gaze bore straight into my soul. His face was a mask of impassiveness, giving nothing away.
My hands shook, the overwhelming jitteriness rushing to me. “I want to talk to you about something, and it’s important.”
“Is that so?” His eyes flared in surprise.
“Yes.” I swallowed, building up the courage to do what I should have done ages ago.
To tell him the truth.
A sly grin overtook his face—it was painful to watch those blues peer at me with such disdain—because he was still my everything.
“I’m going to give you something.”
I frowned in confusion. What was he going to give me?
He stood and strode toward me at a languid pace, almost like a lion sneaking in on its next kill. It made me want to cower and run away, but I willed myself to stay put.
His hands circled my hips.
It was like being zapped with an electric current to feel his long-forgotten familiar touch burning through my shirt.
His lips brushed my ears, sending shivers down my spine. “A taste of your own medicine,” he whispered
“What?” I mumbled, trying to take a step back from his overconsuming heat. His clean, woodsy scent with a hint of seawater was addictive.
But he gripped my hips, pulling me closer as he peered down at me. He ran his index finger over my cheek as he tsked. “Do you want to talk to me, sweetheart?”
My heart tugged—he called me sweetheart. But it sounded exactly how I didn’t want it to. “Yes,” I croaked, my mouth dry.
He leaned in, so slowly that each second made my heart race faster than it already was. His lips touched my ears as he whispered, “Too bad I don’t want to.” And with that, he let me go and plopped back onto the couch.
I heaved out a frustrated sigh. “Please, Jay. You need to hear this. It’s important.”
He fixed me with a hard glare, and the tic in his jaw told me he was irritated. “Evelyn. I don’t care how important it is. You’re the last person I want to talk to.”
“Why not?” My voice raised a decibel, echoing through the apartment.
“Pray tell, why? Because I gave you my everything, and you gave me nothing?”
A sad feeling swept over my body as I willed myself to move forward and take the seat next to him. My eyes traced over his beautiful face while he stared straight ahead, giving nothing away.
“Can we talk? Like adults. It’s about what happened all those years ago, Jay. Things that you don’t know,” I said in a broken whisper.
His sharpened gaze met mine. “Funny, isn’t it, Evelyn? How the tables have turned. I remember begging you to talk to me, but you didn’t want to, did you? All those times you ignored me, gave me the silent treatment, and pushed me away. Do you remember all that? Because I do, and I fucking hate you, Evelyn. If there was a stronger word to use than that, I would.” His voice was so cold, so flat, every single word sent jabs straight to my heart.
I couldn’t help the sob that escaped me as a single tear flowed from my eye.