Page 36 of Harper

Holding the toilet paper roll in my hands, I sit next to the porcelain bowl, frozen with terror.

“You don’t have a stomach bug,” I whisper aloud. “You’re…”

...pregnant.

I flush the toilet, leap up, and run back to bed, throwing the covers over my head. My brain’s a scrambled mess, my heart is racing so fast I can hear it pounding in my ears, and my breathing is shallow and choppy.

You’re not sick. You’re pregnant. You’re fucking pregnant.

When was the last time I had sex?

Not here…

Not at school…

At home. With Joe. The night before I left.

When was that? What was the date?

I crawl out of my bed and grab my phone off my desk, tapping on the calendar app. I scroll back to September, looking for the exact date I left for school—September 4th…which means Joe and I had sex on September 3rd.

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.

I’m eight weeks pregnant.

I’m eight fucking weeks pregnant.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Without thinking, I dial Joe’s number.

“Harp?”

Wherever he is, it’s loud. Super loud. I can barely hear him over the din of music and people.

“Joe! I need to talk to you!”

“Happy Halloween!” he yells. “I’m at a party!”

He’s at a party...as he should be. As I should be.

“Happy Halloween…Joe, can you hear me?”

“Harp? I can barely hear you!” People yell, Chug, chug, chug! in the background, followed by a roar of approval. Joe chuckles. “It’s nuts here!”

“Joe, can you go somewhere quiet? I have to talk to you!”

“Can I call you back? It’s really noisy!”

I clench my teeth, breathing through another wave of nausea.

I’m fucking pregnant, I want to yell to my partying, twenty-year-old, college boyfriend. I’m pregnant with your baby! Help, Joe! Help!

“I’ll call you back, babe!” he promises. “I’ll call you back in a few!”

The line goes dead.

I race to the bathroom, vomiting more yellow bile into the bowl, then dry heaving again and again until every muscle in my abdomen aches. By the time I sit down on the bathroom floor with my forehead resting on the toilet seat, I’ve missed a call from Joe.

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