Page 86 of Harper

“And?”

“And nothing,” she says, picking up her mug and taking a sip. “I acknowledge your pain,” she says again. “And I’m sorry.”

Without having read her grandmother’s steps for forgiveness, I’m a bit in the dark, but I can’t lie—her words are…comforting. I stare at her, and she stares back at me. We don’t smile at each other, but the blinding rage I’ve been feeling for weeks suddenly feels…softer. More manageable. It doesn’t feel as potent. It doesn’t feel as all-consuming.

“Okay,” I say, nodding at her. “I appreciate that.”

After a moment, she takes a deep breath and asks, “Have you heard back from the Calvins yet?”

Harper gave me the information for the adoption registry before we parted ways in Anchorage last week, and I signed up as soon as I got home.

“Not yet.”

“Denise will get back to you when she can. She’s good about that.”

“Maybe they’re weirded out that this guy is suddenly contacting them after all these years.”

“I doubt it,” she says. “I reached out to her and let her know you’d be in touch. I told her that she can trust you.”

This is a surprise. “Thanks, Harp.”

“Do you have a…game plan?”

“For what?”

“For, you know….moving forward with Moriah Raven.”

“They’re her parents,” I say, the words coming easier than they’ve ever come before. “I’ll follow their lead.”

Harper gives me a tiny smile. “I’m relieved.”

“I don’t want to hurt her, Harp. I don’t want to scare her. I’d just like a chance to know her when the timing is right for her.”

Blinking her eyes rapidly, Harper clears her throat, then takes another sip of tea.

“Do you have a photo of her?” I ask.

“No,” she whispers. “They offered, but I never accepted. I didn’t feel like I had a right, and I thought that would make it harder.”

“God, we are so different,” I say, sighing through the words.

“We are,” she agrees.

“Whether she was adopted or not, I’d still want to be in her life. Always. I’d still want to know her. I’d still have her photo in my wallet.”

She nods. “I know.”

“You’re so goddamn frustrating, Harper.”

She tilts her head to the side. “So are you, Joe.”

I love you.

The words flash in front of my eyes in neon, but I tell them to fuck off. I don’t want to love Harper. I don’t want to love someone who can hurt me as badly as she can.

I stay on topic. “The Calvins aren’t on Facebook or Instagram, but I did a background check on them.”

Harper raises her eyebrows.

---