He shifted slightly so his head was resting against hers, creating an intimacy that made her heart skip. This man had been her dream for so long. Moments like this were what she’d always longed for. A connection that was deep. Intimate. Powerful.
Why was it happening now? Whynow, when all she wanted to do was walk away from her history and her stories, with which he was inextricably intertwined?
“Do my palms feel hot to you?” Falcon asked.
She was surprised by the question, but took a moment to experience the feel of his hands against hers. His skin was rough, and her heart seemed to skip a beat as she focused on thesensation of their hands touching. “They feel normal warm. Like you’re alive, but not noticeably hot. Why?”
He swore under his breath. “I’ve seen some weird shit on my trips, Bella.”
“Like what?”
He didn’t answer, but he closed his fingers around her hands, holding them tightly.
“Falcon,” she whispered.
“What?”
“Why did you need to kill that man?”
Again, he didn’t answer.
He’d said twenty years. He was thirty years old now. “What happened when you were ten?” Always their childhood. So much trauma that all of them still carried with them.
“You know what, Bella?”
“Tell me.” Their cheeks were now resting against each other. If they both turned their heads toward each other, a kiss would be inevitable. But it would take both of them.
“I don’t want to live in that world anymore. It’s over. I don’t want to talk about it or think about it. It’s time for me to start living.”
She let out her breath. Was it that easy to leave behind a past you didn’t want? Was it that easy to step off the road you didn’t want to be on, even if you’d been on it for twenty years? “What do you want to do?”
For the third time, he didn’t answer.
“Do you know?” she asked.
He squeezed her hands and sat up, pulling away. His absence left a gaping hole for a split second before she pulled herself together.
She sat up and reclaimed her hands. “Too many questions,” she said. “Back to being an island, eh?”
He leaned on the railing. “You ever think about getting married, Bella? Having a family? Doing that whole thing?”
“Married?No way.”
He raised his brows. “That was emphatic.”
“Absolutely.” She leaned back in her chair and put her bare feet up on the railing. “I wouldn’t know how to be a good mom. So, I don’t want any kids to mess up. And as for getting married?” She shook her head. “I don’t even want a boyfriend, let alone a husband.”
He was watching her closely. “What if he was a really good guy? There are some good ones out there.”
“I know there are. Piper and Maddie are married to good ones, and all the Stocktons. Plus my brothers are all amazing people. It’s just not for me.”
“Why not?”
She paused, trying to think about how to articulate it. “If you fall in love, then the person you love will want you to be a certain way. And if you love them back, you’ll try to fit that mold. And then you lose the chance to find your own way.”
He frowned. “How many relationships have you been in?”
“Enough.” She shrugged, suddenly restless. “There’s so much pressure on women to get married and couple up. Why? Men don’t have that pressure. You’ve been free for twenty years. You probably don’t even know what I’m talking about, the need to be free.”