Page 17 of Under Control

I’m not proud of it, but here we are.

When I’m finished, I head into my room. It’s nearly three by now. I count out my tips, yawning, and realize I have just enough to pay the electricity bill. We’re already overdue but I’m pretty sure they’re going to shut us down in a few days, so I decide to log in before going to sleep.

I stare at the account balance, but it doesn’t make sense.

We’re overpaid by fivethousanddollars.

This has to be some error. But when I click into the payments tab, it looks like there’s a credit card on file I’ve never seen before.

I’m about to panic, afraid Mom’s opening new lines again, when I notice the name attached to the card.

Valentin Zaitsev.

No, this can’t be happening. This can’t be right.

But it’s real.

Valentin logged into my account, added his card, and put down a massive payment on file, basically covering our bill for the foreseeable future.

Relief hits me so hard it’s physical. I curl up and have to fight back a sob. I haven’t been able to explain to anyone how bad this debt stuff has been, but it’s like every day I wake up expecting my life to be over.

There’s a knife to my throat every waking hour.

And now, one tiny bit of that stress has been completely taken away.

It’s a shock to the system. I’m so mad at him for doing something like this, but I can’t help myself. The sheer release I feel knowing that no matter what happens, at least we’ll have electricity for a while is like I was buried under the earth and someone just dug a hole and let me out. I’m lighter; I’m freer.

It takes a little while to come back to myself.

And when I do, anger takes over.

Because I know what this is. Valentin wants me to marry him for whatever crazy reason, and if fucking me isn’t enough, now he’s going to throw money at me.

He thinks he can buy me.

But the thing is, I grew up in a house that treated me like I had no value beyond my potential childbearing hips.

Mom and Dad were traditional people. While my older brother was doted on, given everything, encouraged to go to college, I was told that I could graduate high school, but beyond that, I was expected to find and marry a nice Armenian boy.

That was the extent of my future.

Marriage and grandchildren for them.

Meanwhile, my brother, Luka, got into Villanova on a full scholarship. He worked hard and got into Penn’s medical school. My parents couldn’t have been prouder of him. All I ever heard was how smart Luka is, how he works twice as hard as all the other boys, how he’s going to be a doctor one day and isn’t that amazing?

I’m the one that stayed home and took care of Dad when he was sick. I’m the one that gave up my life for Mom.

I’m the one that’s in a deep financial hole for them.

Not Luka. No, not precious Luka. They couldn’t possibly ruin his credit and saddle him with debt.

He’ll be a doctor one day!

Bitterness wells up in me. Valentin’s treating me the same way my parents did. Like my value’s all wrapped up in whether I can marry a man or not.

But I am not for sale.

I don’t care how many times he gives me the best sex of my life.

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