Page 117 of Enforcer

The things I’d do to you if you were here, darling.

I want to hold you.

I miss you.

I’ve inflicted so much pain over the years, but this is another level of torture.

I walked today. All by myself. I wish you were there to see it.

I’m scared to drive.

I love you.

Fuck, tesoro. I’m dying without you. Answer me, goddamnit!

I’m sorry.

The world seems dimmer now that we’re not together.

You look gorgeous today, my love.

I wish I could be what you need.

God, this is hard.

Today was a bad day. Pain is for the birds.

The nightmares are the worst. Do you have them, too?

You’re so beautiful. I love that skirt on you.

I miss you.

My body achesas I sob into the pillow, curling into the fetal position as his words stabbed through me over and over again. I wasn’t there for him when he needed me. I didn’t rejoice and rush into his arms when he awoke. I don’t even know if he was alone when he awoke.

I wasn’t there the first time he walked after so many weeks of therapy and being in a wheelchair. I’m not there when the nightmares from the crash come for him to hold him through them.

I abandoned him.

How could I contact or message him back after these texts?

How can I ever face him knowing how much of a coward I am?

I miss him so fucking much it feels as if I can’t breathe, but I left him when I needed to be there.

I’m a fucking shit person.

I read his last text repeatedly, contemplating that he’s said he would leave me alone.

Instead of feeling relieved that his stalking and incessant texting is going to come to an end, I’m afraid.

Sad.

God, I’m so fucking sad.

The tears come again, and I can’t make them stop.

I’m miserable. I have been since the day I walked away from Dante, knowing I wasn’t coming back.

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