She gasps, backing herself into the car more like she wants to become a speck in the paint rather than stand here and listen to me confess my feelings for her.
“I have loved you since I locked eyes with you next to Brynne’s desk. Love at first sight, they call it in the movies. It’s real. You and I are proof.”
“You don’t love me, Dante. You love the idea of someone filling the hole Anna left behind.”
Her words hurt, as they’re meant to, but I steady myself in their pain.
“You can’t tell me how I feel, Alyssa. I know myself. I love you. I don’t care if it hurts you to hear that.”
“No, you don’t,” she counters. “You don’t care about anything but your selfish wants and needs.”
Now, those words fucking sting, and I snatch the gun from her hand and turn it on her, pressing it to her temple. “Watch yourself, tesoro. You forget who the fuck you’re talking to.”
She tries to hide the ripples of fear breezing through her eyes and fails.
“Dante,” she pleads.
I shake my head, pressing the gun inward. “No. You want to say hurtful shit all because you’re afraid, I’ll add to that fear.”
“You won’t hurt me.”
“Won’t I? According to you, that’s all I’m good at.”
“I didn’t say… I didn’t mean…”
“Don’t backtrack now, tesoro.”
She swallows.
“Admit it,” I snarl.
“Admit, what?” Her voice shakes.
“Admit you’re afraid.”
She scoffs. “Of course, I’m afraid, Dante! I’m afraid of becoming my mother and letting a man lure me in so deeply that I can’t swim my way out, even long after he’s gone off with the bimbo he cheated on me with. I’m afraid of becoming another fucking statistic. I don’t want to have children with someone, only for their father to leave and start an entirely new life without them, never looking back or giving a shit at how they struggle in the wake of his happiness. All of these fears are fucking valid, and you can’t belittle them or take them away just because you spew the same three words to me that he did my entire life. He told me he loved me, Dante, and left without a backward glance. He cheated on her, tore her down, and left her a shell of herself, and he told her he loved her every fucking day! Words mean nothing!”
Tears are pouring down her cheeks, and her body is shaking.
“Lyss,” I manage, clicking the safety back on the gun and shoving it down the back of my pants.
“No. Nothing can take it away, Dante. I tried with you, I did. I’m not suited to become her. Men will always hurt me. He taught me that early on.”
I sigh. “Relationships aren’t easy, Alyssa. Things are going to happen. If you go into them with preconceived notions, youwill find things wrong at every turn and give yourself an excuse to quit. You can’t compare me to your father. Where he walked away, I’m right here. Fighting for you, saying I fucked up!”
“But it’s too late,” she breathes, and my world shatters.
“How is it too late? Huh? Tell me. Because just a few hours ago, I was the one helping you battle this bullshit, helping you avoid a fucking panic attack. I was the one beside you, Alyssa! The oneinsideyou!”
“Yeah, you were. Until you ruined everything.”
I step back, defeated and lost for words, as I hear Brynne shouting Alyssa’s name.
Someone saw us fighting and told her, no doubt, and now I’m all around a fuck up, ruining her wedding day by worrying about my selfish want for Alyssa.
“Maybe you’d better go,” Brynne tells me, a sour look on her face as she pulls her best friend into her body for a hug.
Alyssa’s cries get louder in the comfortable hold of someone she loves.